The below post I began writing the day after my show, "Not While I'm Around", closed. For some reason, I abandoned the post and it stayed in my "saved drafts" file. There were several abandoned posts there, and as I revisit them, I see why. The time was now to reveal them.Seeing as one of my biggest "issues" in this lifetime is to finish what I start, I feel like it's time to complete these posts and "update" them. All current notes are in THIS BLUE TYPE.
June 26, 2010
Excellent line of questioning. However, I do have an answer. And clearly so does the universe ...
In the past, I have always felt like I had to be in the middle of something to get the full experience of it. For example, this week I had a huge project come to fruition. It was a cabaret show we created called "Not While I'm Around". This project has been huge for me, both personally and professionally. For the show, my friend and co-creator Tommy Foster and I decided to share the story of our friendship over the course of the last 15 years. A huge piece of that story is how our paths went separate ways. At eighteen, Musical Theater meant the world to us. The dream of singing and performing in a Broadway show marked the pinnacle of importance in our lives and we were destined on making that dream a reality.
We just went about it completely different.
I moved to New York thinking that within a short matter of time, that dream would be actualized. "Reality" set in for me and my life became about surviving, not thriving. All of that said, I would not take to the stage (to sing in a musical) for fifteen years.
Tommy's life took a different route. He went onto higher education in some of the best musical theater schools in the country. He developed an instrument that far surpasses the words I could use to describe it to you (click here to listen to his cover of P!ink's SOBER). It is obvious that the effort he has put into developing his talent has paid off handsomely.
Our show went well. It was a huge epic moment for me, because of the significance it had in the big picture of my life. We were only scheduled to have one performance, but as the universe would have it, we are not quite done telling this story. Actually, the universe is not done with us sharing this story, so I am happy to report that it will have legs and move onto bigger things.
At the time, this was true, and I am sure I will create many more pieces like that one, however, I feel like "Not While I'm Around" Served it purpose and there is no need to take it further.
I am feeling like my next "Musical" will be original. One of my greatest role models is the incredible, Stephen Sondheim. This year Mr. Sondheim celebrated his eightieth birthday and I had the merit to attend one of his many celebrations. His life has inspired me in ways I cannot begin to share here. In fact, just Sunday I found the book "Sondheim; A Life" at the Strand bookstore. The book has been out of print for sometime and is the only authorized biography of the masters great life. I've just begun to dive into it, but in the short tenth of a way through, I am compelled to attempt the audacious fete of writing a musical. Audacious for me, because I have zero experience in composition. We shall see, but I stand by my motto "IMPOSSIBLE = I'M POSSIBLE" !!!
Today is different though. For the past several months I have wondered how this first day of "The Space In Between" would feel like to me now, the space in between completion of one thing and the uncertainty of what is next. All the hard work and challenges, all the fears conquered, the new level of friendship Tommy and I have achieved ... the list goes on. All that is the after glow. But it's not the grit. The space is uncertain. That's where the comfort becomes painful. What do I do next? What do we do next? Where do I put my energy?
Shortly after "Not While I'm Around" closed, I had the merit to be asked to work on a movie called "My Idiot Brother" standing in for actor Paul Rudd, and making a cameo as "The Earth Taxi Driver". Those seven weeks proved to be some of the most rewarding and exciting weeks of my life. ( I will write about that later in the week bli neder )
However, what is the same is "THE SPACE IN-BETWEEN". I sit here at 1:40 AM on August 26, 2010, with the eagerness for that next project. But content in the process that will be neccesary to reveal it.
I was unusually calm before our show Wednesday night. Unusually. Perhaps it's because I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter. I had the same experience on Friday night after the director of the movie yelled "THAT'S A WRAP" for the last time as we completed principle photography and would not be seeing the same faces in that capacity again. Usually these moments are very intense for me. I get sad to see everyone go their separate ways. I was incredibly happy Friday night. For everyone and everything that they will go on to to. Myself included.
I feel so safe here. I feel like all my needs are met, like I don't have the pressure of the chaos of the outside world, Yet, not so safe that I am comfortable to just "Let" something fall into my lap. It's now time to get busy, to create and to share endlessly. I was reminded tonight that to the degree your desire is to share something, is the degree that you will find the space to fulfill that desire. I WANNA SHARE IT BAD!!!!
For the first time in my life, I feel like I have arrived here incompletely complete.
I was unusually calm before our show Wednesday night. Unusually. Perhaps it's because I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter. I had the same experience on Friday night after the director of the movie yelled "THAT'S A WRAP" for the last time as we completed principle photography and would not be seeing the same faces in that capacity again. Usually these moments are very intense for me. I get sad to see everyone go their separate ways. I was incredibly happy Friday night. For everyone and everything that they will go on to to. Myself included.
I feel so safe here. I feel like all my needs are met, like I don't have the pressure of the chaos of the outside world, Yet, not so safe that I am comfortable to just "Let" something fall into my lap. It's now time to get busy, to create and to share endlessly. I was reminded tonight that to the degree your desire is to share something, is the degree that you will find the space to fulfill that desire. I WANNA SHARE IT BAD!!!!
For the first time in my life, I feel like I have arrived here incompletely complete.
Walking home this evening I got a message at the forty second street subway station. A message that I have seen a zillion times, but never paid attention to; the message yelled at me:
"STEP ASIDE" and the number 42
Way too often I get in my own way. I start to think that I can do it all myself and that everything always has to be perfect, in my own control-freak-Virgo way. This message reminded me that I must get out of my own way and LET GO to let the Light in.
The number 42 is quite powerful as well. Without going into great detail, (please feel free to email me if you wish to know more) it's the numerical value of The Ana Bekoach, the Prayer of Creation, used by great sage's to leave the past behind and to start a new.
Step Aside and Start A New.
