Running 101

Today I went for a Run.

I haven't been on a "run" since 5th grade Physical Education class. At that time I couldn't make it around the soccer field so Coach Toastie gave me an "F". He said I didn't even try.

I was FAT, it wasn't my fault.

I have never voluntarily "Gone on a Run", not ever on my own free will that is. There was that time in the mid Nineteen-Nineties when I decided that the quickest way to get from the West 100's to 2nd Avenue on the East side was to just go straight through Central Park at eleven o'clock in the evening. When the thugs started preying on me, I went for a run alright. Screaming Jesus' name!

Now, at the ripe ole age of "In My Thirties" I have been given the role of a lifetime. Naturally, I am not in the "body of a lifetime" so after doing some research (online of course) I have found that the most effective way to loose weight is a commitment to a running regime.

So I took to the streets. Here is what I found out.

1) Never, EVER make fun of anyone who is "On A Run". It's horrible karma for those times when you do decide that you too want to take a shot at it.

2) There is a network, an underground, unspoken secret language of runners. It's like when you pass them, they nod their head at you and say "Atta boy"!!!

3) Speaking of "Atta Boy's" When I got to the end of my street and turned a busy corner, there was a sign on the front of someones car "We're proud of you, Daniel" (NO JOKE!)

4) I am an extremist. I like very fast speeds, or walking. No in between. Though I did attempt to skip when not in plain sight, I must admit.

5) Anyone who says the elliptical machine yields a better cardio workout is full of Romney.

6) Make sure you have your Starbucks app downloaded to your iphone. It came in handy when I realized I forgot to take water ... and my wallet.

7) It helps your breathing if you sing very loudly. My favorite track to sing loudly these days is "I'M A SINNER" By none other than, Madonna.

8) Make sure that your earphones fit properly. My ears holes are a bit big so I have to smile really big to keep them in place. Everyone looks at me like I'm Forrest Gump. Kinda fun.

9) Don't let J. Crew Cashmere sweaters hanging in the window distract you from the task at hand. Especially when you are in your shorts and t-shirt and it's a brisk 54 out.

10) Make a promise to yourself that you will give it one more shot tomorrow.

The Magic of Seven

Seven years ago to the hour I woke up from a restless night, tossing and turning, completely certain about  ... my eternal bachelor-hood. At the time I was working on a film that was being directed by and staring My onscreen hero, Mr. Robert DeNiro. It was a dream come true. My professional future was set, I was trading fame for love.

It was also the day that I was to become a real star. Little did I know.

For several months I had been casually chatting with a handsome stranger over the interweb of mysteries and wonders. Several years my senior, and incredibly brilliant, I was always entranced by his multidimensional intellect and creative wit. But, like history had proven, anyone can hide behind a computer screen and a keyboard, so I kept my reservations at the table called, Solo.

On August 15, 2005 we decided to meet for the first time and share a drink. At the time he was a newcomer to Manhattan so I challenged him to pick a place for us to meet. (This would help me assess his taste level!) I told him, if we are feeling "it",  I will have reservations ready for dinner at a special place I had always reserved in my heart for "THE ONE". But ... No pressure over cappuccino. We agreed that if we weren't feeling "IT", we would be honest and polite and continue on our marry way.

That evening, I showed up to meet my beautiful stranger. I sat across the street observing his behavior for a few minutes before revealing myself to him. It was charming how he shifted uneasily from position to position, trying to figure out which post to lean against to "look cool". As I approached him he was drenched in sweat and his pink shirt dutifully unpressed, yet perfectly unbuttoned to his heart, revealing his manly muscled chest. I quickly forgave the wrinkles.

We occupied a quiet corner in the lounge, chatting away about what you would chat on, on well ... A first date? I teased him that I never get embarrassed. He assured me, if I stuck around, he would see to it, that I could never use that line again. Whew. JUST what I was always looking for ! Towards what would seem the end of our night, I excused myself to the bathroom. I sent off a quick text to my friends telling them I would meet them out in an hour, and I casually slipped the waitress my credit card as to not make much fuss on the exit, and to thank him for a lovely time. His body language alone indicated that this was not going any further.

As I went back to the table, he clocked me on my stealthiness to pay the check, as I had beaten him to the punch. We spoke about other cool places to go to in New York and then there was a moment of dead air:

"Well, it's 7:45 and our dinner reservations are at 8:15" I said.
"I can cancel them if you'd like, or we can continue on" absolutely sure he would opt for the former.

"I'd love to" he said.
"That is ... if you would have me" treading with caution.

Immediately the mood shifted. It was official, I was not going to be the one left hanging on this date. Not going to be another casualty of the "Well that went EXACTLY as I thought it would" train I had been used to riding on.

Dinner at 'Il Bucco" was magical. Just like I always imagined it would be. We shared a bottle of wine (Coppola Claret!) and really began to reveal our true selves to each other. At the end of the night, I walked him to the subway station before I jumped in a cab uptown. It was there, on Prince and Broadway, in front of the Prada store that we kissed for the first time. I was officially hooked.

The seven years ahead were every bit as thrilling at those first few hours. He opened my heart to love and gave me a passport to the world both literally and spiritually. With every day that I wake up with him by my side, I know for a fact that whatever the day holds, challenges or cheer, it's all mute when it boils down to it, because I have the greatest blessing that God could have ever given to me.

We have been through Five different version of the iPhone, two presidential elections, the birth of our two beautiful nephews, AND witnessed the legalization of gay marriage in this great town we call home. We have been buff, we have been fat, we have been in the hospital, we have sunbathed in South America on New Years Day. We have fought about stupid shit, and neglected the important stuff. We've dealt with real life, and we have emerged stronger than ever.

As we celebrate seven years together I look back on all that I have learned. Being in a relationship is hard work. Sharing your life with someone makes you see everything that's selfish about you,  how every little choice that you make effects the other. Sharing your life with someone ALSO allows you to see your own beauty and your strengths you may have never seen before. It turns the microscope on you and how you show up in your own life. As our Kabbalah teacher Karen Berg once shared with us, our success is solely dependent on turning the "ME" upside down, Making it "WE". A relationship demands it.

To the most incredible blessing God has ever bestowed upon me, My other half,  My partner for life, Ted,
I am humbled to walk with you on this path called life. I pray that the Light of the Creator has in store for us, many, many, more cycles of seven. Maybe even with seven dwellings in seven different lands, with seven children enlightening us with their wisdom, with the abundance to write seven-figure checks to help make the world a better place, the wisdom to write seven different books to inspire the information age with and most importantly seven lights illuminating brightly from our soul - eternally.

Thank you for making me the star in your life,

Forever, Your boy. 

Constant Pedaling and The Reinvention of Comfort

The other day I was at the gym, workin' on my fitness. As I mentioned in a previous post, it's time to grapple the beast of effort and turn her into a beauty.
"Slow and steady" says the horse
And slow and steady I rode.
Having not really been to the gym in several months, one look in the mirror and I said to myself
"Where shall I start?"
Basics. Start at the basics.
Knowing full well that it will not hurt to burn a few (or 500) calories, I jumped on the bike.
I hate the bike.
Not because it's hard or challenging, but because it's BORING.
As is the elliptical machine, the treadmill, the stair-master. BORING.
But I did it, and like clockwork ...
the dreaded dialogue began in my head.

I looked around at many of the "pretty" people lifting weights with their big muscles, or the dashing blond beauty running a marathon on the treadmill with her perfect little ponytail trailing in the wind.
I looked up at the Television screen to see the very studly and inspirational silver fox, Anderson Cooper, just beaming back at me with that killer smile, in that perfect "Athletic Cut" Dolce & Gabbana Suit.
Then I looked at the clock on my bike.
I had been riding for ten minutes, burned about 50 calories and had ... a very long way to go.

Then it hit me.

THIS is the problem. THIS right here. Not ME, not THEM, not IT.

This good ole human trait (which I clearly have mastered) of "What's Next" and "I want.. This ... I want That" are probably one of my biggest blockages. Constantly thinking about "What's next?" and "When?" gets me anxious and preoccupied with things that are completely out of my control.

So I stopped. I took a deep breath, looked at my reflection in the blinking Plexiglas of the console in front of me and I said "Relax". Paradoxical isn't it? Get on the exercise machine to ... Relax?

Yes. Relax, let go, and just BE.

Be in the moment of feeling what is going on between you and your body, of whatever music or tape you have on your listening device. Feel the beat, focus on the lyrics. Put your mind in a dreamland where you are happy to live for those twenty minutes. For me, I put on a little Madonna in anticipation of the big concert next month that I can't wait for. That led me to so many more amazing things, like memories of past Madonna concerts, being with people that I love, of how HARD someone like Madonna works (at 53 mind you!) to deliver her best ALWAYS.
That alone was enough to make me pedal harder.

Before I knew it, the time was up.

The next day, I went to work and found myself at various cross roads during the day, PEDALING back to that same place of "What's next?"

and again, I applied the same technique to those moments too. The results were astounding. Instead of looking at the clock wondering how much longer I was gonna be there, instead of turning to my Twitter feed, or playing Words With Friends perpetually, I opened up my computer and I began to write.

By the end of the day, I completed a project that I had been concocting in my head for the last two weeks. Then I remembered my previous post on Reinventing Comfort.

Constant Pedaling friends.

#reinventingcomfort

What do you REALLY know?

I sorely admit, I have pontificated the subjects of health and fitness over the course of the last several years.

There I said it.

I have advocated my vegetarian lifestyle, my love of juice cleansing, my cocktail of vitamins, endlessly in an effort to do ...what ? Convince myself I was on the right path? Or convince YOU that I was on the right path (or maybe so you won't judge me because I was blowing up like a balloon!)

Now all that dogma I have spouted has come to bite me in the ass - and weighing in at the most I have ever weighed in my life - There's a lot of ass to bite off.

It got me to think about was how much "talk" one can weasel in ones life. The talking, talking, talking, the "Damn, will he ever shut up?" you may have felt while in my company, I apologize for now.

I admit, I know nothing. Let's start there.

I'm hoping that by admitting I know nothing, I will open up the door to learn a lot more.

If At First ...

You get to the gym and the scales say you weigh more than you ever have, your entire life...

DON'T FREAK OUT! :-)

Remember your commitment to redefining comfort.

Reinventing Comfort, For Now

There are a hand full of people that I admire, that I truly watch their every move to see what they do next. There is one common denominator that binds them all; a relentless ability to never give up, never show exhaustion and never settle for anything less than perfection.

I was watching an incredible interview with one of said role models over and over recently. At thirty-three years old he changed the world of fashion, nearly over night. Within 10 years he reimagined, redefined, and reinvented the industry putting him at the top of his field. If you Google him today, he turns up more hits than fashion’s godfather, Karl Lagerfeld. While he carries a surname that would insinuate a legacy of American fortune, TOM FORD, built his empire, with his own two hands.

Twenty-five years ago when he met his partner, Richard Buckley, (nearly 20 years his senior), a young bright-eyed Ford told Buckley. “I will be a millionaire by the time I’m 35, running an empire”. He exceeded his goal nearly two years before predicted.

Moderator: “In order to succeed is it TALENT or HARD WORK

[That’s More Important]?”

Ford: “It’s a combination of both, but I would say that it’s slanted toward Hard Work… Slanted towards OBSESSION, There are many designers who have much greater talent than I do, But they may not have my drive, they may not work as hard, they may not have the focus, the desire. But you have to have the talent too, without that you can have all the other things, but if the pair of pants you make don’t make the person’s butt look good, they’re not going to buy them”

“And you have to be really TOUGH”

Since hearing this interview, I have read this statement over and over (and over!) again. Evaluating my abilities on a scale, each a grain of salt trying to balance the other against the former. While I’ve never thought I lacked either, I have to believe that the results that I’ve yielded in my life are just one step behind my empire. One step behind may not sound like a lot, but weighed against my own standards, it feels like an eternity.

The Kryptonite? Comfort.

I live a very blessed life. I take home a handsome paycheck working in the field of my choosing, with the most amazing people on the planet. I have the most incredible support system around me, led and championed by my Partner of seven years who believes in me more than I do myself. I have the support of an entire army or friends and family that cheer from sidelines far and wide, all over the world waiting to sing my praises at every little accomplishment I achieve. It makes it easy, very easy, to bask in such light. While I take none of it for granted, I know from history that if I don’t continue to earn it, it will be gone.

So what about this prison of comfort?

It’s a lovey place (or so it appears) where I don’t really have to watch what I eat or how much exercise I do. Where I can choose to spend money a little more frivolously than if I were sinking my resources back into my business. Where choosing to watch TV or playing games on my devices take precedence over writing the script of all scripts, or where developing and studying characters that have the ability to inspire people to achieve their own dreams gets lost behind the excuse of working a sixteen hour day. It’s a place where I barter with myself so skillfully that I convince myself “You Deserve It”.

What an illusion.

What I deserve is to run a multi-million-dollar conglomerate company that supports all facets of my creativity, servicing the maximum amount of people possible, balanced against philanthropy -not for the sake of making me look more humble and gracious- but by making the world a better place.

Time and time again, I have self-reflected and written in stone plans to make concrete steps toward achieving this success, but time and time again, comfort sets in and I find myself back at where I began.

I write this, not because I need any pity, or shoulder to cry on. I write this, not because I have a natural inclination toward self-deprication. I write this because maybe this time I will find the strength to reinvent comfort as a place where MAKING MIRACLES happen through hard work and effort IS COMFORT, where sitting on the couch sipping a martini is not the reward, but the punishment for missing the opportunity to change.

Let’s see how this goes. Thank you for reading, and by the grace of G-d and my hard work I hope you can turn back here regularly to watch my progress.

Playing Catch Up #rollerjournal

Who would you like to catch up with?

When I was a kid -early elementary school age- I had a friend whose name was Billy. All my life, I have had a natural affinity toward women and girls, to socialize with and develop a kinship towards. Billy was the exception. He was a boys boy, Building things with his hands, like tree houses and forts, playing Cowboys and Indians (I always the Indian!) and heroic Superheros, in which times, Billy never had a single flinch that I preferred the role of Wonder Woman over his first choice hero Superman. As a matter of fact, he quite encouraged it. We were different, in so many way, yet so complimentary in many others. His favorite band was (country) Alabama, mine was Culture Club. He liked meat and potatoes, I liked spaghetti and broccoli and we never faught only ever arguing about which movie we would ask my mom to take us to see next. I always won that battle. We shared transformers and collected He-Man action figures and I preferred the spotlight, as he preferred the stage hand. In third grade, Billy moved to a neighboring town too far away to commute by bicycle. His parents weren't willing to drive the commute to drop him off for a day, and mine were in the dark about his whearabouts. We stayed in touch via telephone for about 3 months. Neither of us being one for chit-chat and small talk (we used to talk about what we would do one day when we became presidents, together we would run for office, as one!) our communication subsided to none, and our lives officially went separate ways. Many years later his older sister (who would often baby sit us) spotted me while at the mall one day. I was 14, and in probably the most awkward stage of my life; fat, with braces and acne ridden. She rushed over to me and asked me "Are you from Winter Springs? Is your name Bobby" ... I replied yes, but could not place who she was, due to the fact that she was now practically a woman. "I am Janet, Billy's sister" she exclaimed. She was so happy to see me, as I her. We embraced. Chatted for a minute or two and She told me that Billy often spoke about me and wonderd how I was doing. "why didn't he think to call, my phone number has never changed" - I thought to myself. "He is the one who moved" I told her to tell him that I said hello and to please give him my number. I secretly prayed for a reunion with him, as my life at the time lacked many guy-friends. As it would turn out, that very moment he was with his Mom shopping THERE, in another part of the mall at the same time. They were to all meet at a common spot around 8:30 before the mall closed. She suggested I meet them as well, that Billy would be so excited to see me. I was so nervous, and I couldn't even tell myself why. Then Billy showed up. He was tall, lean, and incredibly handsome. He was also clearly very uncomfortable with me. He tried to pretend at first that he didn't remember who I was, then, as it "dawned" on him, his response was "oh hey" turning to his Mom, insisting that he needed to get home to study for an exam. I was devastated. Someone who I looked up to as a friend, a brother even, had completely dismissed me. But I got over it and went on with my awkward self. I grew out of that phase and embraced who I was shortly after. Comming into my own I realized that the universe has special ways of bringing people in and out of each others lives, perfectly. I'd love to catch up with him one day. I think it would be so fulfilling to connect the dotts from our childhood into our adult lives. One day, maybe. Maybe not. Either way, I'm thankful for the childhood memories. #RollerJournal

What would you like to change about today? #RollerJournal

What would you like to change about today? Change. Nothing. Now. What's in the past is done. It's heralded as what I needed then. No "wow" factor, but guess that's objective to me being a "taker" On and on and on ... Give it to me. Bring it on, Burning karma to get rid of it forlong! I wouldn't change a thing. Right now, as my phone rings From my agent, Telling me ... "it won't be long" Reactive and reductive. I know better, Not to wait for no-one! And on and on and on and on an on an on and on and on ... #RollerJournal

With Intention,
Daniel Bobby Tuttle

Go to www.payingintention.com to see the latest episode of my new Podcast, Paying Intention

What can you hear right now? #RollerJournal

What can you hear right now? The wind is blowing. There are whispers from the Angels, encouraging me. Like little cheerleaders. Propeller hellicopter in the distance, Grumbling and choping, making sure that we don't get this shot. Of course, because it's the LAST shot of the day. Just 2 more hours til I can hear that sweet sound of manhattan taxis and martini shakers and MDNA previews. Those are music to my ears. I hear "checking the gate" "that's a wrap" ... In my head. I also hear the CHA-Ching of the cash register as I clock a 14 hour day. #RollerJournal

With Intention,
Daniel Bobby Tuttle

Go to www.payingintention.com to see the latest episode of my new Podcast, Paying Intention

What impressed you today? #RollerJournal

What impressed you today? God impressed me today. How the magic and the wonder of this magnificent force of creation can turn such ugly days, into glorious ones. In the blink of an eye. I am impressed at my own resilience to withstand the balagon of ugliness in my head. How angry I can be? Nobody knows. Nobody even assumes, because GOD Has given me a fierce game face. I am impressed by the process. I am impressed with my patience towards it. I am impressed that someone who has never really given me the time of day, sat with me at lunch. He asked me "what do you do?" I hope your NOT an actor he said. "because it would be such a waste to have such a handsome face stuck behind the camera, without the film rolling. He said "your the best stand-in ever, and in such high demand. You're fucked, if you don't hop the train and switch tracks, you're gonna be doing this for the rest of your life. Which is fine, if all your looking for is your blue-cross and blue-shield" I'm impressed, that I restricted.
#RollerJournal