Idolotry

Every morning when I wake up, I thank God for coffee. I also thank God for my partner sleeping next to me.

Then I get dressed, douce myself in my Eau de Jour, take a good look in the mirror, and say "I look __________!" (Insert pridefull or self depreciating emotion here) Which is really key, as it effects the following moments.

Then I put on my comfy shoes and my coat, and Thank God that I am dry and warm.

As  I ride the subway to whatever location I happen to be working at I begin wonder what I might be getting myself into for the day; How long will my work last? What might be waiting for me for breakfast, lunch and/or dinner, which is usually (most always) followed by a resounding
"I'm getting fat" which leads me to amp down my daily calorie allowance for the day and plan my next juice cleanse- after all I am going to The Mayan Riviera next week, and you know what that means! I need a new bathing suit. Speaking of Suit, can I just tell you how much I love Justin Timberlake's "Suit and Tie" video! I wanna live in that world! Ahh ...

It's a wonder I ever managed to make it to my Kabbalah class last night.

And thank God I did, because this is what I learned;

Eitan cleared a few things up for me which I intend to share with you here.  Have you Ever thought about that story in the bible, the one about the Golden Calf? If not the story goes a little like this; Moses went up the mountain (SINAI!) to fetch some immortality. Meanwhile down at the other end of the mountain, the rest of us got a little bored. So, we made a golden calf - a statue of a baby cow, made of gold and diamonds that we hawked off all our Women...  Then we decided it was so incredible that we wanted to worship it. After all, who needs a god who you can't SEE! Consequently, we chose to do all this nonsense just 18 hours short of the fortieth day Moses would return to us, with the real treat. But NOOOOO we had to have it NOW! So what happened to that little treat Moses brought back down with him?  We lost it.



Sound familiar?

But what does it have to do with Me, My Coffee, My Partner, My Cologne, My Clothes, What I eat (or not eat!), with me looking fab or flat, My Job .. MY TRIP TO CANCUN ...  OR MY KABBALAH?????

"Everything" Eitan said. 

If I've ever said "I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT...." any of those physical things listed above, or anywhere else in my life;

 I am worshiping the modern golden calf.

When we attach ourselves to anything but the energy that is the Light of the Creator (God,  The Universe, or whatever else you want to call it) we immediately limit our capacity to receive all that that energy wants to share with us. When we say "I WANT IT NOW" without being patient and waiting for the process to unfold, we are worshiping the golden calf.

Have you ever been in a relationship where you "put all your eggs in one basket", so to speak? Meaning, you feared that if anything ever happened, you would loose everything? Where you became so co-dependant on that relationship (no matter how great or how bad it is!) that the THOUGHT of ruffling the other persons feathers for fear of their reaction, immobilized you to do or say nothing?

That too is worshiping the modern Golden Calf. 

So what's so bad about worshiping the Golden Calf anyway? If I am, then ... what's happening, am I going to HELL?

No. But we aren't living in Heaven either, no matter how great we think it is. The Universe (G-d, Light .. etc) Want's us to have EVERYTHING. 

Do you understand the capacity of that word? Let me spell it out for you ....

E   V   E   R   Y    T    H    I    N   G 

Which ironically includes all of that physical stuff too; like your Soul Mate, your perfect job, more money than you know what do with. It also includes more than you can ever imagine, because even your imagination is limited. 

So whats the solution? 

Be aware, Lets start there. That's all. Ask yourself when go to do something out of habit or routine WHY you are doing it? 

Change it up. Do something different, let go of the old and allow yourself to be welcomed by what the Universe reveals to you. And if you think you can't do that ... Start Small, I mean ... really small. Like instead of brushing your teeth first thing in the morning, take a shower first, or take an extra few moments to snuggle your loved one. Take a different route to work, for once take the long way - instead of the short- See what happens. You might just meet the business partner you have been searching for, or run into an old friend from high school you've been thinking about. Anything is possible, but WE have to be open to it.

Lets see what happens! Rome wasn't built in a day ...  and I am surely not ready to give up my coffee yet either!

All Adventurous Women Do #GIRLS

I know, I'm a little late for the party bus that is the HBO phenom, GIRLS.

Really, If you are as well then I suggest having a seat in front of your flat screen, making yourself a triple espresso and carving a comfy place on your couch. Watch one, you'll watch five (or more). It's brilliant.

As each episode's end credits roll, and Lena Dunham's name passes by as "Writer", "Director", and "Executive Producer" (Not to mention she plays the starring role, Hannah), I long for the next installment. I also long to know "Why exactly do I love it so much?"

The late '90s and Mid '00's were my "GIRLS" time. When finding a job in my chosen field seemed as impossible as anything other than settling for being a waiter, or worse a sales guy at the GAP. When "Sex" was something EVERYONE was doing (Except Me!) and when crabs became  the oft price to pay for such an "Adventurous" life. I just read where HPV has replaced crabs as the "go-to" STD for "Adventurous" people. (See title of this post, and credit Lena Dunham for it's cache!)

Things really haven't changed much, except for the advent of such things as twitter and picture-phone messaging to flirt with the guy across the room, to send an SOS out into the world for, what we USED to call, a "Booty Call".

But GIRLS, is not just about SEX. It's about being a GIRL. It's about looking for love in all the wrong places, finding it and then being too afraid to break up with him because he is too nice - even though you cringe when he kisses you. It's about having a boyfriend, just because he is hot, thinks you're hot - even though you look in the mirror and see a fat pig. It's about being okay with being sexually harassed by your boss a) because you need the job and b) he really is a "nice" guy! It's also about having your journal read out loud onstage by your roommates boyfriend, accompanied by his wretched band telling the world how much you really hate him and how she should break up with him.... just having your journal read by someone other than you, behind your back. That's Typical.

In the summer of 1998, my friends started talking about this new show that had premiered on HBO about being a single woman in Manhattan. They raved on about how brilliant it was, so much so that each one of them had assumed one of the characters as the archetype that fit their own. We would be at dinner and they would say to me "You're so Carrie Bradshaw" and another would argue ... oh no .. he is DEFINITELY CHARLOTTE... CHARLOTTE ALL THE WAY. I looked at them all like idiots. I didn't even own a TV then, much less have HBO. When I met my partner in 2005, he too, was "Mostly Miranda" and because of my love for him, I sat down to watch this show. I had the same exact knee-jerk reaction that I did with Girls.

"GIRLS" has become the "SEX IN THE CITY" of today. I am very thankful that I am not ten years late to this party. I guess the older I get, the cooler I get, which would make me TOTES "MARNI", because I have grown up from being ole' boring Charlotte!

Catch it Sunday's at 9pm on HBO.

From the Well, I Write

Sunday's are very special for me. Not because I go to church, or spend the day getting drunk brunching with friends. Sunday is the day that I spend with about 20 of the most amazing kids I have ever met. For the last several years I have had the merit to teach a program called "Kabbalah For Kids". Yes, you heard that right, Kabbalah for Kids.

In this semester we formulated a curriculum implementing the lessons of Kabbalah with a simple concept; The Map.
We taught them that, LIFE ... is just like a Map. You have to know where you are (point A) to know where you want to go (point B). Only by looking within and taking inventory of our lives here and now can we determine how we are every going to achieve that which we really want in the future.

In the class we inspire kids to dream big and to imagine what their "perfect" life will be like. What life would be like if the "had it all" and if they were successful at the career that they had chosen to pursue as adults. I know what you are thinking;

"Are 10 year old's really attune to what they want to be when they grow up?"

Yes, they are. "Grow up" is the relative term here. Some of them are more grown up than many adults I know, other look to making it through fourth grade as "Growing Up". You would be surprised at how well they know what they want. For example: I have the student who wants to be the next JK ROWLING and continue the Harry Potter series (and also star as Harry, himself in the movie versions of his novels!!!) but I also have kids who understand that they simply just want to be happier, or to be less jealous of their sibling, or over come being shy.

Trust me. They KNOW what they want. 

One particular child inspired me to write this post, and god willing, set off a maelstrom of creativity within me; Here is why... 

One week, I had the opportunity to meet with every student one on one. I wanted to sit down with them, give them my undivided attention, and see what was on their mind. At the conclusion of the meeting, we formulated a map, so to speak, that highlighted some goals, both immediate and long term, that they wanted to achieve. This child and I have known each other for many years. She has been in my class since she was about five years old, in some capacity or another (She is about to turn 10). Her parents are certainly role models, not only as parents, but as individuals in and outside of their community. They are unrelenting in giving their children what they need to be the best versions of themselves. When I asked this particular child what she aspired to, she said simply and affirmatively "I want to be like you". I inquired how;

 "I want to be a writer and an actor" She said. She continued ...

 "Actually, I want to write most of all and I know that you write, alot.  Poetry and stories and stuff. And I know you are a famous actor, well almost famous. You will be I know it. I tell all my friends I know a famous actor...And I really want to teach kids too, OH ... and do computers, like my Dad" 

I realized right then and there that she was definitely a messenger to me in that moment. I needed to write more for the world to see. I go through waves of keeping things in my journal or my diary and not sharing too much online. Then there is the Pilot script I am working on, and the Feature Film script as well. All those things seem to take precedence lately. I guess because I envision their rewards as being much greater than simply bogging about my life - or writing poetry (my true love). I also get hung up on "What" exactly I can write about. I always judge weather or not what I will write will have any impact on anyone or that really anyone cares.

Who cares? Just Write! Here's to a new chapter in sharing my life and all that I love.

XXOO DBT
 

Running 101

Today I went for a Run.

I haven't been on a "run" since 5th grade Physical Education class. At that time I couldn't make it around the soccer field so Coach Toastie gave me an "F". He said I didn't even try.

I was FAT, it wasn't my fault.

I have never voluntarily "Gone on a Run", not ever on my own free will that is. There was that time in the mid Nineteen-Nineties when I decided that the quickest way to get from the West 100's to 2nd Avenue on the East side was to just go straight through Central Park at eleven o'clock in the evening. When the thugs started preying on me, I went for a run alright. Screaming Jesus' name!

Now, at the ripe ole age of "In My Thirties" I have been given the role of a lifetime. Naturally, I am not in the "body of a lifetime" so after doing some research (online of course) I have found that the most effective way to loose weight is a commitment to a running regime.

So I took to the streets. Here is what I found out.

1) Never, EVER make fun of anyone who is "On A Run". It's horrible karma for those times when you do decide that you too want to take a shot at it.

2) There is a network, an underground, unspoken secret language of runners. It's like when you pass them, they nod their head at you and say "Atta boy"!!!

3) Speaking of "Atta Boy's" When I got to the end of my street and turned a busy corner, there was a sign on the front of someones car "We're proud of you, Daniel" (NO JOKE!)

4) I am an extremist. I like very fast speeds, or walking. No in between. Though I did attempt to skip when not in plain sight, I must admit.

5) Anyone who says the elliptical machine yields a better cardio workout is full of Romney.

6) Make sure you have your Starbucks app downloaded to your iphone. It came in handy when I realized I forgot to take water ... and my wallet.

7) It helps your breathing if you sing very loudly. My favorite track to sing loudly these days is "I'M A SINNER" By none other than, Madonna.

8) Make sure that your earphones fit properly. My ears holes are a bit big so I have to smile really big to keep them in place. Everyone looks at me like I'm Forrest Gump. Kinda fun.

9) Don't let J. Crew Cashmere sweaters hanging in the window distract you from the task at hand. Especially when you are in your shorts and t-shirt and it's a brisk 54 out.

10) Make a promise to yourself that you will give it one more shot tomorrow.

The Magic of Seven

Seven years ago to the hour I woke up from a restless night, tossing and turning, completely certain about  ... my eternal bachelor-hood. At the time I was working on a film that was being directed by and staring My onscreen hero, Mr. Robert DeNiro. It was a dream come true. My professional future was set, I was trading fame for love.

It was also the day that I was to become a real star. Little did I know.

For several months I had been casually chatting with a handsome stranger over the interweb of mysteries and wonders. Several years my senior, and incredibly brilliant, I was always entranced by his multidimensional intellect and creative wit. But, like history had proven, anyone can hide behind a computer screen and a keyboard, so I kept my reservations at the table called, Solo.

On August 15, 2005 we decided to meet for the first time and share a drink. At the time he was a newcomer to Manhattan so I challenged him to pick a place for us to meet. (This would help me assess his taste level!) I told him, if we are feeling "it",  I will have reservations ready for dinner at a special place I had always reserved in my heart for "THE ONE". But ... No pressure over cappuccino. We agreed that if we weren't feeling "IT", we would be honest and polite and continue on our marry way.

That evening, I showed up to meet my beautiful stranger. I sat across the street observing his behavior for a few minutes before revealing myself to him. It was charming how he shifted uneasily from position to position, trying to figure out which post to lean against to "look cool". As I approached him he was drenched in sweat and his pink shirt dutifully unpressed, yet perfectly unbuttoned to his heart, revealing his manly muscled chest. I quickly forgave the wrinkles.

We occupied a quiet corner in the lounge, chatting away about what you would chat on, on well ... A first date? I teased him that I never get embarrassed. He assured me, if I stuck around, he would see to it, that I could never use that line again. Whew. JUST what I was always looking for ! Towards what would seem the end of our night, I excused myself to the bathroom. I sent off a quick text to my friends telling them I would meet them out in an hour, and I casually slipped the waitress my credit card as to not make much fuss on the exit, and to thank him for a lovely time. His body language alone indicated that this was not going any further.

As I went back to the table, he clocked me on my stealthiness to pay the check, as I had beaten him to the punch. We spoke about other cool places to go to in New York and then there was a moment of dead air:

"Well, it's 7:45 and our dinner reservations are at 8:15" I said.
"I can cancel them if you'd like, or we can continue on" absolutely sure he would opt for the former.

"I'd love to" he said.
"That is ... if you would have me" treading with caution.

Immediately the mood shifted. It was official, I was not going to be the one left hanging on this date. Not going to be another casualty of the "Well that went EXACTLY as I thought it would" train I had been used to riding on.

Dinner at 'Il Bucco" was magical. Just like I always imagined it would be. We shared a bottle of wine (Coppola Claret!) and really began to reveal our true selves to each other. At the end of the night, I walked him to the subway station before I jumped in a cab uptown. It was there, on Prince and Broadway, in front of the Prada store that we kissed for the first time. I was officially hooked.

The seven years ahead were every bit as thrilling at those first few hours. He opened my heart to love and gave me a passport to the world both literally and spiritually. With every day that I wake up with him by my side, I know for a fact that whatever the day holds, challenges or cheer, it's all mute when it boils down to it, because I have the greatest blessing that God could have ever given to me.

We have been through Five different version of the iPhone, two presidential elections, the birth of our two beautiful nephews, AND witnessed the legalization of gay marriage in this great town we call home. We have been buff, we have been fat, we have been in the hospital, we have sunbathed in South America on New Years Day. We have fought about stupid shit, and neglected the important stuff. We've dealt with real life, and we have emerged stronger than ever.

As we celebrate seven years together I look back on all that I have learned. Being in a relationship is hard work. Sharing your life with someone makes you see everything that's selfish about you,  how every little choice that you make effects the other. Sharing your life with someone ALSO allows you to see your own beauty and your strengths you may have never seen before. It turns the microscope on you and how you show up in your own life. As our Kabbalah teacher Karen Berg once shared with us, our success is solely dependent on turning the "ME" upside down, Making it "WE". A relationship demands it.

To the most incredible blessing God has ever bestowed upon me, My other half,  My partner for life, Ted,
I am humbled to walk with you on this path called life. I pray that the Light of the Creator has in store for us, many, many, more cycles of seven. Maybe even with seven dwellings in seven different lands, with seven children enlightening us with their wisdom, with the abundance to write seven-figure checks to help make the world a better place, the wisdom to write seven different books to inspire the information age with and most importantly seven lights illuminating brightly from our soul - eternally.

Thank you for making me the star in your life,

Forever, Your boy. 

Constant Pedaling and The Reinvention of Comfort

The other day I was at the gym, workin' on my fitness. As I mentioned in a previous post, it's time to grapple the beast of effort and turn her into a beauty.
"Slow and steady" says the horse
And slow and steady I rode.
Having not really been to the gym in several months, one look in the mirror and I said to myself
"Where shall I start?"
Basics. Start at the basics.
Knowing full well that it will not hurt to burn a few (or 500) calories, I jumped on the bike.
I hate the bike.
Not because it's hard or challenging, but because it's BORING.
As is the elliptical machine, the treadmill, the stair-master. BORING.
But I did it, and like clockwork ...
the dreaded dialogue began in my head.

I looked around at many of the "pretty" people lifting weights with their big muscles, or the dashing blond beauty running a marathon on the treadmill with her perfect little ponytail trailing in the wind.
I looked up at the Television screen to see the very studly and inspirational silver fox, Anderson Cooper, just beaming back at me with that killer smile, in that perfect "Athletic Cut" Dolce & Gabbana Suit.
Then I looked at the clock on my bike.
I had been riding for ten minutes, burned about 50 calories and had ... a very long way to go.

Then it hit me.

THIS is the problem. THIS right here. Not ME, not THEM, not IT.

This good ole human trait (which I clearly have mastered) of "What's Next" and "I want.. This ... I want That" are probably one of my biggest blockages. Constantly thinking about "What's next?" and "When?" gets me anxious and preoccupied with things that are completely out of my control.

So I stopped. I took a deep breath, looked at my reflection in the blinking Plexiglas of the console in front of me and I said "Relax". Paradoxical isn't it? Get on the exercise machine to ... Relax?

Yes. Relax, let go, and just BE.

Be in the moment of feeling what is going on between you and your body, of whatever music or tape you have on your listening device. Feel the beat, focus on the lyrics. Put your mind in a dreamland where you are happy to live for those twenty minutes. For me, I put on a little Madonna in anticipation of the big concert next month that I can't wait for. That led me to so many more amazing things, like memories of past Madonna concerts, being with people that I love, of how HARD someone like Madonna works (at 53 mind you!) to deliver her best ALWAYS.
That alone was enough to make me pedal harder.

Before I knew it, the time was up.

The next day, I went to work and found myself at various cross roads during the day, PEDALING back to that same place of "What's next?"

and again, I applied the same technique to those moments too. The results were astounding. Instead of looking at the clock wondering how much longer I was gonna be there, instead of turning to my Twitter feed, or playing Words With Friends perpetually, I opened up my computer and I began to write.

By the end of the day, I completed a project that I had been concocting in my head for the last two weeks. Then I remembered my previous post on Reinventing Comfort.

Constant Pedaling friends.

#reinventingcomfort

What do you REALLY know?

I sorely admit, I have pontificated the subjects of health and fitness over the course of the last several years.

There I said it.

I have advocated my vegetarian lifestyle, my love of juice cleansing, my cocktail of vitamins, endlessly in an effort to do ...what ? Convince myself I was on the right path? Or convince YOU that I was on the right path (or maybe so you won't judge me because I was blowing up like a balloon!)

Now all that dogma I have spouted has come to bite me in the ass - and weighing in at the most I have ever weighed in my life - There's a lot of ass to bite off.

It got me to think about was how much "talk" one can weasel in ones life. The talking, talking, talking, the "Damn, will he ever shut up?" you may have felt while in my company, I apologize for now.

I admit, I know nothing. Let's start there.

I'm hoping that by admitting I know nothing, I will open up the door to learn a lot more.