"The Business"

There is an old term they use around my spiritual center for telling you (or better yet, telling you by NOT telling you) where and how you need to grow to become a better version of you.

They call it, giving you "The Business".

In layman's terms, it's pointing out the rather "smelly" parts of your character. All Ego. Some ego is good, yes, but the ego that goes with "The Business" is never good. Usually it's stuff like neediness and entitlement. In my case, it's usually (but certainly not limited to) rooted in my need for approval. Lately, it's gotten out of hand...I am gathering.

Think of it like this; your "business" is like that pile of papers in your office that has been stacking up in the corner that you know you need to deal with, but for some reason or another has become almost decoration to you. In fact, you'd hate to see it go away because what ELSE will you put there!

That's kinda the story on my approval shit. It surfaced it's ugly head pretty bad this week.

You see I started a new job as a bartender a few weeks back in a fancy restaurant downtown. That was the first mistake. I never really wanted the job to begin with, in fact I knew this would happen. However, I took the job because it fell into my lap and I was feeling like that was the next best step for me to take to ... please my partner.

Ouch. The truth hurts.

I don't think he really wanted me to take it either. So that makes it worse. Perhaps I took it out of a little spitefulness? I tend to do that when I am feeling my livelihood threatened. BAM! Major "Business".

Every day of this job has been a nightmare. I would love to tell you about it, however, they made me sign a document saying that I would never talk about how bad it is. So ... I digress.

Naturally, being the one who "believes in the light" so much, I started praying. For a miracle to happen. That I would get an acting job that would take me away from there. Something that would give me a good reason to resign with, as opposed to "You're an asshole and It makes me sick how you treat people", because that would be confrontation, and CONFRONTATION, my friends is BAM! More of my "Business".

Last Wednesday I got a call from the restaurant. One of the other bartenders, whom they hired me to replace was let go and they needed me to step up my availability to take over his shift on Friday Lunch. So I did. Because I have a hard time saying "NO". BAM! More of my "Business".

In doing so, I missed out on a meeting with my teacher (which I only get to have about every 3 weeks) and had to end up paying for a singing coaching, which I had to cancel last minute and couldn't even attend. The singing lesson is $55. I made $46 on my Lunch shift.

When I got to work on Friday I noticed that my schedule for next week was already fucked. I teach a class on Monday's at the Dept. of Probation, and when I got hired there I was very clear about not being available during that time. I am scheduled for Lunch on Monday. Scheduled then again for a double shift on Friday and Saturday night.

This morning, first thing, I received an email from one of the casting offices I regularly book work with. She was asking me about my availability for Friday, because she wanted to book me on a film. I responded to her email "No, I'm sorry I am unavailable Friday". That's me "Mr. Loyalty-to-a-fault" BAM! "MAJOR BUSINESS"

Later today while spending time with Karen she asked me if I had booked work recently. I told her, "Funny you ask, they emailed to book me today, but I told them I was unavailable because I was scheduled at the bar"... She lost it, and rightfully so.

I mean, look, here was that answer to the prayer that I had been waiting for... and I missed it. I was too busy being caught up in the bitching and moaning about the restaurant that I failed to see that the opportunity.

When I took the job I made a promise that the bar would never interfere with my Acting. Now, I had blatantly lied to myself. BAM .. more "Business".

I thought about it for a second and emailed casting back, explaining that I was now available. It still remains to be seen if it was too late or not to book the job. We'll see, but in the meantime, I think I need to deal with a little bit of my garbage this week.

Bloody scary isn't it?

Opportunities to transform are all around us. In the blink of the eye we can elevate our soul to a whole new realm. We know this logically, but when it becomes practical - about putting it into place and just doing it - It's painful.

No pain. No gain.

Thanks for listening. I needed to vent. (BAM! More "Business") : )

Old Sparks, New Flames

Thursday evening was quite surreal for me.

As anticipated, I met my dear friends William and Tommy to catch up and socialize. Nothing major.

William suggested a place, now owned by a friend of his, called "The Hourglass Tavern", located on 46th Street and 9th Ave.

I knew it well as I, once upon a time, lived above the restaurant.

As a general rule of late, I have stayed away from that particular part of town. Perhaps because it reminds me of a me that doesn't serve remembering. But I can tell you one reason why, is because of a certain embarrassment I anticipated feeling if I were ever to run into the buildings owners, Chris and Tina, ever again.

You see, I moved into that apartment when I was 20 years old. Quite fresh to New York, apt 4E was my first real home. At the time I was working at the Olive Garden in Times Square serving tables and one day met a girl called Aphrodite. She was a special soul, as the name indicates. Outspoken, a bit brash at times, very voluptuous, very pretty... and Greek. When I told her of my current living situation, which was a notch down from "livable", She told me how her "Aunt & Uncle" owned a little restaurant and an apartment building on the corner of 9th Ave & 46th St. Aphie said she thought that they might have a vacant apartment that I might be able to stay in for a while until I found a more permanent home.

God bless the Goddess, Aphrodite. She made it happen.

I met Chris and Tina shortly thereafter and we hit it off famously. Their very broken English and my acting ability to imitate it made for comedy one can not put on a stage. There was something about our connection that felt like family. The next day Tina showed me to my new apartment. She told me that they had been using it for storage for a very long time and that I could do anything I wanted to it, as to make it more my own. There were a few pieces of furniture, including a dining room table and a beautiful antique armour. But other than these little acompanyments the place needed LOADS of work.

In a hurry that day I dropped my bags and changed for work, NOT spending too much time surveying my new piece of land.

I got home from the OG (olive garden) late that evening. As I opened the door to my new home and turned on the lights, a scurry of mice flew into their lofty little corners. I screamed bloody murder. So much for my cute little idea of popping down my sleeping bag and calling it a night. Always one of re-invention, I pulled out my McGuyver skills and decided that the best place for me to sleep was on the dining room table. At least the mice could not get me there and it would serve its needs well, as I was not having any guest over anytime soon!

Then... I walked into the "Kitchen". What I found was mortifying to thine eyes. Low and behold, the "Kitchen" consisted of a small sink, and to the left of it - a stove. And to the left of the stove, a refrigerator. On the OTHER side of the sink, perched next to the window was ... A bathtub. Hmmm ... I thought. Interesting. At the far end of the "Kitchen" was a closet. I opened up the closet and low and behold ... A toilet ! Nothing else. I mean, thank GOD the toilet was at least separate.... but where was the shower????

As it was, I was conjuring up delicious Gemini ideas about taking a tub while frying eggs at the same time one one of those hung over mornings!

As my day's progressed there in that little abode I made 4E home. My parents came to visit me regularly, usually for Thanksgiving which we always had at the Hourglass. Every time they left Tina would tell my Mom "I am watching him for you, don't worry". My Mom left quite an impression on Tina, and vice versa. Mother to Mother.

My Ego and I became a little too comfortable for our own good. I soon began to take in any stray friend who needed a home, some of them lasting months at a time and even one particular guest that lasted several years. On 9/11 my house became the midtown bunker. There were a multitude of folk shacking up at the Casa del Bobby. The biggest problem was not that I felt the need to play Ms. Hanagin, but that I did it with only my best interest in mind. "Making the most" out of life to me was partying like a rock star. The more ... the merrier.

It's the "taking in the strays" that did me in, I think. I've always had a problem saying NO. Especially to people who I want love and attention from. In doing so, I went months without paying my rent at times (and it should be noted that the rent for my ONE BEDROOM APARTMENT in MIDTOWN was $675 a month) and had parties that lasted days. We cranked the noise levels repeatedly and, in an attempt at ART, painted one entire wall Black only to hang a solid white canvas in the center of it.

I was, aptly put, - A mess.

But here's the kicker. Never once did Chris and Tina ever "demand" rent from me. They always trusted that they would get it, eventually. And they did. Never once did they ever come upstairs complaining about my guests or my parties, or my noise, or my art. Never. In 7 years rarely was the door to their second floor apartment ever even closed. There was always some kind of beautiful smell emerging, coupled with a Marlboro. Whenever they saw me coming, they always offered me a seat at their table. Regardless how far behind I was in my rent.

In 2003, I moved to Los Angeles to escape my party life style. I left behind subject A - the roommate that never left - in hopes that he would keep up the place and pay the rent with respect.

A year later, I returned for a visit. Chris told me about stuff that went on, and how it was "my apartment" and nobody else's. If I chose to return to LA, which I was, I was going to have to relinquish 4E back to them.

I did so, with great sadness. I thought I'd (and wanted to) have that place forever. Upon moving out, I was left with the mess of moving out the old roommates too. What a way to pick up ones karmic baggage, I was convinced.

I was so ashamed of myself then. I was sad that I had let them down, that I had not given to them what they had always given to me.

On Thursday night when William asked me to meet him there, I was so scared and nervous. I was ashamed of running into them again. What would I say? How could I apologize for being so insensitive in my actions all those years.

I arrived to a completely new Hourglass Tavern. Chris was no longer running the restaurant and had sold the business to another lovely couple who really kept the old spirit alive, but who ended up adding a new twist to this restaurant row staple.

Chris and Tina were no where to be seen. Now I was worried what happened to them. One of the servers who used to work as a server in the restaurant was still working there. Maria is her name. Maria is and has always been close to the family. Like a niece I think. I saw her and she did not recognize me at first. In that moment she was a little cold and it fed every insecurity that I had as per the above.

We left the bar there to go to another bar but decided to eventually go back. When I got back, Chris and Tina were there, sitting out front of the restaurant, as they always did. Sitting there saying hello to the neighbors and regulars with the biggest smile from ear to ear always. They were always like the mayors of Hells Kitchen. As I turned the corner, our eyes met. They both jumped out of their seat "BOBBY" she said "Zeiboogie" he said (don't ask me what that mean's but it was always the name Chris called me). " Is this really you? Where have you been?" "We miss you so much" and they began to cry. As their tears fell, so did mine. They both embraced me and caught me up on the last 6 years. "You need...anything let us know" When they found out that I had been living in the city, they were very upset.

"Why haven't you come to see us?"

"We love you, you are like family to us"

I promised to do so now. We exchanged numbers, took a few pictures and laughed until we were blue in the face.

It was a moment in which my heart was healed.

We walk around our experience everyday with these little bubbles of energy attached to us, based on our limited perception. When we confront demons from our past we somehow metaphysically manage to remove one of those bubbles. Instantly we become lighter.

I wish to have these experiences daily. After this ONE, I felt like this bubble that I had burdened myself with weighed a thousand pounds.

An Inspiring Woman

Many years ago, I had the opportunity to teach a SFK (successforkids.org) Family Class at the Kabbalah center.

The Family classes are so different than the outreach classes for many reasons, but mainly because it creates an environment for unity amongst families. It offers each of them the same vocabulary to use both inside, and outside of the classroom. It gives them all the power to take responsibility, both parents and kids alike.

In many cases, the children are the ones who end up teaching the parents a thing or two about "Reactive Behavior" and Choosing to listen to the "Good Guy Voice" instead of the "Opponent".

As is with many SFK family classes, this particular class was not just for families that are in lower socio-economic demographics, but for everyone.

Meet "The Bochners".

I was immediately drawn to this family for many reasons. There is a dynamic amongst them that is unmistakable. They are both bold and wholesome at the same time. Think Brady Bunch, meets the Osborne's.

Mr. Bochner is a very successful Doctor. His wife, Lisa, after spending many years working in marketing and PR, chose not to work and to be active in the lives of their two children. Active is she ever, and not in a nagging annoying way either. It's rare that you see children (now teenagers) responding to and respecting their parents the way these two respect Lisa. Lisa is VERY grounded and real, yet very much a dreamer, she is hip, she is cool, she is beautiful, both inside and out.

Just being in her presence makes you aware that the universe has huge plans for her.

What seemed on the surface at the time was clearly a facade. Soon after I began teaching them, I found out that Lisa was enduring a battle with stage 4 breast cancer. She had started to undergo the necessary treatments and was masking their effects with unbelievable grace. If her husband would have never told me, I would have never know.

Their entire family was in a state of shock. Their rock was starting to roll, and not in a fun way.

After the class concluded, we kept in touch. I would visit them all regularly and have dinner with them. The Bochner's really allowed me into their home as a part of their family. Lisa won her battle with Breast Cancer like it was the world series. After doing so, nothing was stopping her.

Shortly after, Braden - their son, grew extremely fond of Fashion. They support and encourage him in ways that are far beyond the "normal" American family. For example, one year Braden wanted to do a collection of outfits, a la Project Runway. Lisa organized an evening at their house, equipped with Red Velvet Cupcakes and Swag Bags that contained little mini Bliss products.

This is Lisa. She would not only do this for her own children, but for anyone.

For example, several months ago, I expressed a desire to meet Harvey Weinstein. The Weinstein's are producing the film adaptation of Paulo Coelho's "The Alchemist". It's my dream to play the dreamer, "Santiago". When Lisa heard about this she was bound and determined to find the man. To tell you what kind of relationship she has with the cosmos, shortly after having this conversation, she was at a movie with her son. As they walked out of the theater - BAM! There was Harvey. She went right up to him and told him about me.

Lets be frank. Not just "Anyone" would do such a thing.

Last year, Lisa created an unbelievable organization called The Wonder Girls (thewondergirls.org) that empowers girls age 12 - 18 by offering them workshops with professional, successful women, whom they can look up to and even be mentored by. The organization has grown exponentially and is beginning to draw some major attention. They are now in the process of negotiations with major magazines for sponsorships. All from Lisa's efforts.

I had breakfast with Lisa a few days ago. Upon seeing her I noticed something incredibly different about her. A glow, if you will - not to sound clice. She shared with me that she and her husband were separated and are pursuing a divorce. "It was time" she said. "I could not be happier" she went on. She expressed how she had spent the last 20 + years of her life living to make her Husband happy.

Make no mistake, this awakening, has lead her to this turning point in her life. She is ready to live life not only for herself, but in the capacity to help and inspire people around the world.

She inspires me so much, I want you to meet her.

Lisa my number one Vote for More Magazine's "Most Fabulous Over 40" Lady.

If you feel so inclined, go to http://www.more.com/13752/16268-lisa-bochner--51 and vote for her as well.

11 Things For April (Yes, I had to add an extra!!!)

As many of you know each month I do a "10 Things That Excite/Inspire Me" Page. April got me so excited for with the renewal/rebirth that Spring brings that I had to add a little extra somethin'-somethin' this month !

Here goes !

11) Scones & Peanut Butter

I have always loved scones (must be my English roots) but never fancied

Jam's. It's something to do with their texture that creeps me out.

However, my American blood LOVES Peanut

Butter! One day after Yoga, I went to Le Pan Quotidien and discovered this delicious

combo upon noticing LPQ's delicious assortments of spreads. Now I'm addicted. GOD SAVE THIS QUEEN !

10) Vichy Water

This little container holds the ingredients of water from a special spring in Italy. This spring has been known to locals as "A place to heal". After Vichy Laboratories did research on the

water they noticed that it contained special anti-oxidants only local to that region.

Sounds Kookie or Hokey ? Try it for a week. Especially in this heat we have been having, it's so refreshing and leaves your skin glowing. (available at Duane Reade)

9) EXTRA COLD RANSON GIN MARTINI

I discovered this amazing Gin last week and was blown away by it. Most Gin's are very clear and refined, however this one is not. It is almost caramel in color and hosts flavors of corn and malted barley, juniper berries, orange peel, lemon peel, coriander seed, cardamon pods, and angelica root are also incorporated. These key elements result in bold, flavorful gin with robust herbal and citrus notes.

AS a Spring Martini it's NOT to be missed. (Garnish with a Lilet Blanc Float and an orange rind Garnish

8) GLEE

My newest favorite show in HISTORY returns next week with a line up of stories that can not be missed, including one whole episode dedicated to Madonna. I can't wait.

Fox, Tuesday Nights

7) King Edward VIII

This bloke is hysterical. The english call him a "Nancy", meaning is he is very queer. He was basically dethroned after he took the hand of marriage of an American Divorcee called Wallis Simpson. Without coincidence, they say that Wallis may have been a hermaphrodite.

Ultimately, his story is very endearing as when you look further you see that all he really wanted was to be like everyone else. Wallis loved him so much, she was willing to do anything for him. And she did.

6) Madonna's Sticky & Sweet Tour Now on DVD

SOO excited this is finally out. It was my favorite tour in 20 years. I saw it live 5 times and STILL wanted more. I now listen to it constantly as I parade about town. It reminds me that if she, at 51, can put on a show like that, and help so many people around the world, then I can too. Never give up.

5) Liquor Store by J.Crew

I walked by this place so many times. Finally, one afternoon I walked in and discovered that this once old Liquor store (still in it's original condition) had been transformed into a J.Crew Men's store. Not only do they carry J.Crew Men's wear but also cool accessories from complimentary brands, as well as one of my favorite skin care lines from Australia called "Aesop".

Pieces of note to me now are Gingham plaids in Manly oranges and blues and Lightweight cotton

that looks like dark hard denim... oh yeah, and hot pink. Love this new spark of colour!

4) Bigarade Concentree by Frederick Malle "Editions De Parfums"

As many of you know, I am a loyal devotee of a good scent. My taste in olfactionaries is quite picky and very refined.

Frederick Malle's "Editions" are no exception. Created by the best noses in the world these hand picked bottles of heaven are not to be missed and an investment in you.

My current favorite is BIGARADE. It's rustic orange & woody base give this scent a bitter edge that you can not buy at just any fragrance counter.

Avail exclusively at Barneys.

3) Wisdom of Truth by Rav Yehuda Ashlag.

Founder of the Kabbalah Center in 1922, Rav Ashlag is the reason that Kabbalah is available to the masses. In this unbelievable book, he gives us hints of ancient secrets to universal fulfillment and happiness.

"Love Thy Neighbor As Thyself" he says is the the most paramount of lessons for us to learn "The rest is commentary" he goes on.

2) Artistic Societies of the day's of Yester.

At the turn of the century, Artist and performers alike used to gather in secret society to create art. In whatever form, they used each other's energies to share ideas and bring about some of the work we study today. Amongst them were the likes of Tennessee Williams and Robert De Niro SR., Jack Kerouac & Alan Ginsberg, Jackson Pollock and so many others we respect and admire.

I fear the internet and the use of technology has prevented us from this special kind of unity that could only be created amongst a collective energy. I am working on creating a "new" kind of society, that re-invents this age old technology for creating masterful work. Even if it is to be studied on an ipad. :)

1) Daily Charity.

The sages say that "Charity saves from death".

Death, is not only what you and I think "Death" to be in it's limited definition.

Death means an end to anything. It can be business, health, relationships etc.

In the day and age that we are living in now, with earthquakes and disasters happening on a daily basis, we have many illusions to fear.

If you feel that you are not effected by them because they do not directly effect your family or friends, or are not happening around you, you are sorely mistaken. Chances are, if you know of it - if it is in your "movie"-then there is a reason.

It's our opportunity to help, and to share what we can.

Fortunately enough, you can do so from the comfort of your laptop, in front of your television, Watching Glee, sipping your Ransom Martini.

We are in a period of time that is refered to as, the Omer. It's a time of great judgment and also a time of self reflection and exploration. Within the next 6 weeks, if we are able to harness the energy that's available to us in a proactive way, it's like we create miracles extensively beyond the capacity of our limited thinking. Each's energy equals that of 8 days.

Imagine that time has been condensed - 8 days to 1 day. How would you spend a day if you knew this was the case?

In all honesty, it's overwhelming for me to think about, but I do know that ultimately if I create the intention to be proactive instead of reactive and I choose to share, I know I can at least make an effort to make the most of this challenging time.

The icing on the cake ? ... In addition to this energy, Mercury is in Retrograde! Meaning that for the next 40+ days, communication (in all forms) will be haywire. Be Warned. If something is important for you to communicate, reiderate it - over and over again.

One of the hardest things for me to do is to share money. Money is energy and I know spiritually that when you share money, you create huge things in the upper worlds. In support of this consciousness I have decided to commit everyday to doing some kind of monetary charity. Weather it be $1 or $100, I am attempting to explore the idea of giving something monetary every day, at least for the next 6 weeks.

One of the greatest things about the internet is that you can donate to just about any organization you believe in completely anonymously and give any amount you wish.

Some of the organizations that inspire me to give now are;

Successforkids.org

raisingmalawi.org

dailyzohar.com

kiva.org

Here's to an amazing month!

Remembering Mema and the Promise Of Miracles

The ancient sages shared with us that on the death anniversary of a great soul leaving the world, we have the merit to connect to all the Light that soul revealed during his/her lifetime.

This day is very special to me.

I guess everyone thinks their Grandmother is special, but I will claim a little bit of pride and tell you mine was exceptional. Perhaps a righteous soul.

Her name was Ouida Carlton Tuttle, she was born February 13, 1927 in Cooks Hammock, FL. to a family with 9 brothers and sisters. She was the middle sister. Her Mother, Sarah, owned and operated a guest house in Sandford. She loved that house, as it would be the place that she learned to cook, sew, and take care of others. All the things that she would spend her life doing, with love and compassion.

In 1948 my Grandfather, Bob Tuttle, was down from Michigan with spring training for his Baseball team. He was a guest in the Carlton house and quickly fell madly in love with Ouida. Bob quickly moved to Orlando and married his southern belle. He took up practice at Southern Power Electric and Ouida spent her day's taking care of him and his needs. 1950, My Dad, Allen, Was born and God bless her, I think she was pregnant for the following 12 years. Following my Dad, came Jack, Garry, Jim and Finally Ouida's "Little Girl", Karen. She LOVED children always.

14 years after Karen, I made my debut into this world. Ouida was waiting. I can imagine not so patiently either, being her first grand baby. My Mom and Dad, committed to making the best life for all of us decided that My grandmother would take care of me while my parents worked. I am so thankful for that decision.

It was in these very early years that I really felt like such a part of her immediate family. Jim was still living at home at the time and Karen was in Junior High. Karen and I became so close, I dubbed her "My Sister", and with me being an only child, she was perfect. I could enjoy her, let her spoil me with love and attention, and then I could go home when I got sick of her, which was rarely. Actually, I often cried when I left that house.

As I began to speak, I named my grandmother, Mema.

Mema taught me many, many, things, but the basics she nailed down when I was very young. She taught me how to read (and love to read) with great excitement. I remember I couldn't wait to go to the shelf and pull out the "Dick and Jane" book to read to her, sitting on her lap. She

taught me my multiplication tables (not very well, I might add) and always taught me the importance of being a gentleman. To always say "Please" and "Thank You" and to always smile at people.

Food, as I mentioned above, was one of her greatest passions. She humbly cooked dinner for her entire family regularly. Sunday nights we would all spend together cramped in her "Ranch Room" enjoying the best cooking you can not even imagine. Her specialties were many but her Sweet Cinnamon Rolls were famous. Every Thursday night she ran the concessions stand at my Uncle Bill and Aunt Mary's Auction House. I would often go up there to help her and together

we would take care of the customers. They were the happiest when she made brownies and Cinnamon rolls. I remember the level of patience she had with each of them, as the line grew longer, I would keep telling her "We'll never feed them all" and she always responded "Sure we will. Every last one of them". She meant it too. She would never let anyone go hungry.

Being Southern in her roots, everything she made was laden with butter and fat, which always amazed me at what excellent health she was in, her entire life. As I got a little older and began to understand what food exactly was, I made the choice to not eat pork. This sent her head spinning, but never once did she ever prosecute my choices. In fact, she would always make things special for me. She would even leave the hock out of my green beans !!!

Her sewing and painting skills were a close runner up to her cooking skills. She was gifted with the needle and paint brush and would spend hours upon end in her sewing room making stuff for other people.

In the mid 1980's as I became a ravenous Madonna fan, she would buy magazines for me that had any and everything to do with Madonna. One time I had a concert - T-Shirt that was absolutely my favorite. It had stains on it and was quickly becoming too small for my growing tummy. She took me all over town looking for another one, and when one was not to be had, she had a solution "How about I paint the picture on some material and we will make a pillow out of it for you". Ripe with the good ole' attitude of a spoiled child I begrudeingly obliged. When the finished product emerged from her sewing room, I was in tears (much like I am now thinking about it) It was perfect. Just like the t-shirt. It didn't stop there, she made me about 4 more after that !

Baseball is a rite of passage in our family. It's as if the nurse waits patiently for the Tuttle baby boy to be born and personally hands them their own batt and ball! Unfortunately, I didn't get that gene. Much to the chagrin of just about everyone else in my family, Mema was certain that I had other gifts that would manifest down the line. As I elected a career on stage she was always elated to be at every opening I had and often came two and three times. Her favorite was when I played "Prince Chululongkorn" in a professional Dinner Theater production of 'The King and I" when I was 15. My "solo" blew her out of the water. It just was not "natural" for a Tuttle to sing! She believed in me so much. As a child I would save my pennies and bring them to her to put in a special savings account she made for me. When I was 14, I wanted to go to a modeling school and we could not afford it really, but she suggested "We can use all those

pennies you saved up all those years". Off to Modeling school I went. She was a miracle maker.

In the last few years of her life, her memory began to fail her. When I would talk to her on the phone, or visit her on holidays she didn't seem herself. Whenever I asked her how she was doing in the past, regardless of her pain or loss she always would say "I'm doing great!" But this time she said to me "I'm kinda sad, all of my friends are dying" I was shocked that she admitted something was bothering her. I know how precious her friend were to her. She was always there for everybody, no matter what your drama was, she would listen non-judmentally until she made sure you knew it was going to be alright. She had a regular Thursday group that was made up of people her age that had worked with my Grandpa at Southern Power. They met at the local Steak & Shake to laugh and holler about old times. On her 75th Birthday, those living came to celebrate her. Including the waitress that had taken care of them for the previous 10 plus years. I can imagine that watching these friends pass away made her begin to question her own mortality.

A year later, she was diagnosed with Alzheimer's Disease and my Uncle Garry moved back to Orlando to take care of her.

Fortunately enough, Alzheimer's victims rarely themselves feel much pain. Probably a little dignity & ego bruise is is the biggest of their ailments. However, the universe has done an impeccable job of reserving that pain for the people around them. There is nothing harder, than to watch someone you love so much forget the littlest things, like turning off the fountain and the biggest things, like a wedding or birthday.

I was always so terrified that the next time I saw her, she was going to forget me. God had mercy on me, and every time she lit up like a christmas tree, screamed my name and threw her arms around me and gave me a big hug. Always asking "Are you moving home yet?"

"No" I always replied. "Darn. At least I tried" she responded.

On what may have been the last visit I had with her while on Christmas vacation, I sat with her and we talked about "stuff". I wanted to tell her about all the work I was doing with Children. "That's so nice you're doing that, but what about your actin' " she said with her southern accent.

"One day I'll get back to it" I told her

"You better hurry, Mema's not gonna be around much longer" She told me. "Can't you get on one of them soaps? Then I can watch you every day!"

On April 10, 2007*** ( The 7th day of Passover,) around 1am, she left this world.

The seventh day of Pesach (Passover) is one of the most powerful days of the year. It was the day reserved in the cosmos for creating huge miracles in our lives, as witnessed some 5000 + years ago by the Israelites as they crossed the Red Sea and some 2000 + years ago as Christ was resserected from the dead. People ask always "What do these stories mean to me now? in Modern Times?" I will tell you. The "Red Sea" is a code, like most things in the Bible. It refers to the idea that each one of us has his or her own personal Red Sea in our life RIGHT NOW. It's something that appears too big to cross, to deal with, to change. It's a challenge we do not want to deal with or an opportunity we are too afraid to take advantage of. It's fear, it's sickness, it's money, It's WHATEVER you can't seem to get over.

Today you have the power to remove it.

With the power of your consciousness you can split your Red Sea. Meditate (or if it's too hard to mediate for you, just sit quietly and imagine) hard today, on the impossible. Illogical and unexpected as my teacher says. Feel it so deep in your bones that you know it for a fact. Know in every atom of your being that you can overcome it, with the help of the Light of the Creator.

We wander through life thinking that things "Happen", but they don't just "Happen", they are a result of something much, much, bigger that we can not even conceive. The energy came first. Today (and every year at this time) we can tap into that energy of Mind Over Matter and create huge miracles in our lives.

Mema visits me in my dreams regularly. She sits with me, we chat, she cooks for me, we laugh. She also tells me what is wrong in my life and what needs "Fixin'".

Her mortal life reminds me of the power of sharing and being good to others, while her immortal soul reminds me that I can do anything I set out to do.

"I promise you will be there when I am on TV" I told her after she asked me.

And she is, always. With me and with you. It is my greatest hope that today you will split your own personal Red Sea once and for all.

Please write to me and share your miracle stories. I know they will be abundant this year.

*** Please note that the dates above are based on a Lunar Calendar, not a gregorian one. So while April 10 is not today's date, today is the cosmic (lunar) date of her death.

Picking Daisies

About a year and a half ago I had the opportunity to bring the tools of SFK to the "Y.E.S." (youth employment services) program here in Manhattan. The Y.E.S. Program is a service provided to teens who have dropped out of school and are looking for alternative ways to meet qualifications to go into the working force. One of the ways they achieve this is by offering their students classes on how to pass the GED, as well as giving them life skills workshops to help them through their personal challenges. Many of the teens I met while working there are living with emotional disorders and have endured things in their lives that have had a negative impact on their character.

Think "Precious; based on true life, not ONLY by Saphire".

Meet Daisy.

Daisy is a flower for sure. A rare and special one at that.
She came into my class during the second semester of the program and for pretty much the duration of the entire course she either slept or didn't take her nose out of the journal in front of her.
She appeared to be severely depressed and did not respond to anything. Not any of the facilitators in the room, nor the peer educators could crack her exterior.
We finished the YES program in June, and as with most students, I thought I would never see her again.

Wrong.

Fast forward-
In the fall of this past year I was asked to teach at a public high school on Manhattans Lower East Side.
The home room teacher, Ms. Susan Klein, had offered an overwhelming amount of support and excitement for our program. "This is just what our students need" She proclaimed daily.

In lesson 1, called "Finding ourselves on the Map of Life"; we ask our students to image their life like a Map.
You need to know where you are (your staring point) to know where you want to go. (your destination).
At the the conclusion of the class, a familiar face approached me

"Do you remember me? My name is Daisy and I was in your class last year at the YES program"
Of course I remembered her, except the Daisy I knew before would have never been so forthcoming. There was definately something different about her, a sparkle in her eye I had not yet met.

"I decided to go back to school and get my dipoloma" "I will need it to get into "Juilliard" She continued.

"Juilliard?" I replied with a tinge of Judgment.

"Yes" she responded "I want to go there so that I can become a concert pianist one day"

My jaw dropped. I was now very curious.
"What kind of music do you like to play?"
"Rachmannanov and Debussey, are my favorites. Although they are very hard."
"I can imagine" I sympathized.
"Maybe that's why I like them; because they are hard" she offered as her insight to a good challenge.
Was I really hearing this? I was baffled that I had spent nearly the last 9 months with a student in my class and I knew NOTHING about her.

All of this caught the eye of Daisy's facilitator and my dear friend, Karen Bishko.
See, Karen too is a musician. A singer song-writer from London living here in New York working diligently to get her original musical on it's feet. Karen's interest was as piqued as mine. She approaced Ms. Klein for more clarification. Susan confirmed everything Daisy had told us.

She went on to tell us that the piano is definitely Daisy's "shelter". She shared with us a whole mirage of challenges that Daisy has been through, including, currently being eight teen and in the tenth grade. Her literacy is that of an eighth grade student.

On the final day of the class, Karen asked Ms. Klein if there was anywhere in the building that Daisy could take take her to play the piano.

There was, and Daisy was most excited to oblige to Karen's request.

What Karen saw/heard left her speechless. Literally. She called me immediately after class in hysterics. She could not speak from the emotion pouring from her heart. Daisy's talent was easily prodigal.
"I want to help Daisy in any way I can" she told me
"What if I get some people together to pay for her lessons at Juilliard!"
I argued that while I thought that was a nice jesture, there are an abundance of other students just like Daisy that need help too. I struggle with the fairness equation in her gesture.
She was relentless (as usual) and managed to find the funding neccesary, as well as the teacher at Juilliard perfectly fit for Daisy's skill set.

And the ball was rolling ...
Daisy began working with Teddy (the piano teacher) immediately. They continue to work weekly to meet Daisy's dream of going to Juilliard for college

As the universe would have it, Karen was reaquainted with a neighbor friend, Victoria, on a holiday back to London. After communicating Daisy's story, Victoria shared that she is a documentary filmmaker and that she would like us to consider letting her meet Daisy and see if she might be interested in doing a documentary on the process.
After careful evaluation with Daisy, Her Family, and other professionals, we believe that the opportunity to share Daisy's story with the world can help bring awareness to a cause so desperately needed.

Our youth are in danger. We must take the time to hear their needs.

Thank you for listening and I will keep you posted as things progress.

Meanwhile,

Meet Daisy and Karen