A New Month, A New Year ... A Better Version of Myself.

As I type to you, The New Lunar Month of Aires is about to take it's cosmic place in the cosmos. We know from the great sage's of history that the beginning of any lunar month contains the seed for the entire month. It is said that on Rosh Chodesh (First day of the new moon) we should make a connection to the energy of the month in some way, like through meditation or through prayer (please email me if you would like some powerful Kabbalistic tools to help you).

Today not only marks the dawn of a new month, but also the month of the sign of Nissan, or Aires, as we call it in the gregorian calendar.

Aires is special for many reasons but most importantly because it is the FIRST of all of the twelve signs.

So what you say ?

Well, anytime something is first, it contains the energy of all that follows it. So contained within this day is energy for the entire year, and the additional gift we have is that throughout the first twelve days of this month, the comos give us an opportunity to take control of all the 12 signs that follow.

For example; Aires begins tonight and will continue tomorrow, Taurus will begin at sunset Tuesday night, Gemini on Weds Night .. etc so forth.

As we all know, each sign has a particular correction to it, or an energy that both challenges us and helps us according to your own chart. (You can go to my friend Zion's website and get a free astro chart according to Kabbalah @ (www.astrology.spiritually.com)

For me, I can tell you that this time of the year is so incredibly exciting. It's exciting and its a bit scary too. They say that what you do in these twelve days mirrors what happens to you in the coming year, so we need to pay extra attention to our own reactive nature. One of those ways, I call the "Do as I say, Not as I do" reactive gene. It states that you are quick to share such valuable information for others, but don't take the neccesary time to apply it to your own life. It's being a Teacher, not a Preacher.

Always a challenge.

My commitment is to make every effort this month to lead by example, through not only my words, but my actions.

For starters today, in the first day, the day that corresponds to the sign of Aires I am going to challenge myself with the following tasks;

Aries – Look to Complete things

This is HUGE for me. I have an abundance of Gemini energy in my chart, so it's naturally hard for me to complete things. As a matter of fact, I have even tried to "saved" this post several time, for later.

Tips for the month of Aries

· Remember the past to avoid repeating mistakes

· Before acting – ask for the Light to guide you

· Decrease ego by remembering we are just a channel for Light

· Empathize with others

· Avoid conflict

In accordance with the guidelines above here are my commitments.

1) Remember always that when people ask me for advice (which they do a lot) that they are not asking "me" for advice, but trusting that I am a channel for the light. It's often hard for me, because I am quick to help someone because I think I "know", even when I don't.

2) I can be very critical, not necesarily with malice, but because I have a "keen" eye for things. Often I speak and have been known to sound as though I have a "Fork Tounge" that stings. I am going to try to transform this as well, by empathizing with others to see that I am truly coming from the right place.

3) I am not a very confrontational person in general, but I want to use the Aires to help me to be more confrontational, in a proactive way. Using the above tools, I know I can be successful in that, but it is one of the hardest things for me.

4) I am going to complete the task of sharing in this blog my journey through these 12 days. Also, to GO to Yoga as much as possible (I have slacked in the last 4 days) and to work on my screenplay (which I have also procrastinated on).

There you have it.

"See" you tomorrow ! CHODESH TOV EVERYONE !

Happy Birthday Jack !

Dear Jack,

88, you would've been today, had you persevered with Buddah, and not the Bottle! OH!!! How I would love to sip a whiskey and smoke a cigarette with you today, listening to Charlie Parker, prophesizing and philosophizing about art and literature, about life, with all it's torture and it's beauty. Happy Birthday you ole' fucker! You, handsome, crazy, brilliant wacko, Sexy desolate devil, insane genius – You!
No jokes the cosmos tell, as I walk down the same streets as you and your clodhoppers of the 1950's, near Colombia Uni. I can almost smell your rotten football gear, hear your yell of howling bellows of joy and pain, feel your love. This is not your New York, buddy, this is my New York now. Your New York of yore, with it's industry and spontaneity and naivety, that (thank god) you painted clearly with your words, reminding us to live a little, have some fun, get into some trouble, let go, loose the labels and to love, love, love, whatever that meant to you. So today your words help us to pay back, what was before and remind us, that nothing is what it appears to be, yet, it's so much more.
I'm on my way back to 1967 today. Two years before you left this crazy world, but long after you gave into your woes. You, the original "hippie", before the rest of America knew what a hippie was, you gave the soul to a generation long before they could put a name, or a mane, on it. Because of you, I get to make Art today, because of your inspiration, imagination, figuration of life through special lens! Wow! I just got a whiff off my old road, not some asphalt or tar, but the aroma of a clove cigarette burning sweetly against the aroma of an Italian Roast; we know how you love anything Italian- Dante, Dames, Dungarees, Dripping Espresso. Dudes… Percolating memories of my youth, and my crush on you -my chariot of discovery and discipline (which you didn't ever really master. Then, I would sit in packed coffee house, yabbing and yumming, smoking and singing, smiling and beguiling, trying to be someone, while not sure of who, but anything like you! Listening to other mislead souls rattle rhetoric off their tongues. Anything for an escape-anything. Little did I know, as I sat there in those coffee shops of Central, humid, sunny, stormy, Central Florida, you wrote about your Dharma Bums just a few miles over, some 42 years before. I guess I felt your energy. I wanted to be a bum, not really - more a bum in Balanciaga! It's the experience I hunted after, I fantasized about that hitchhike across the globe, meeting up with rondesvious and revolutions within many souls, both farm and city, of fortune and mishap. Alas, dear friend, America of the 1990's was not the America of the 1950's that you spun in your not-so fiction. So I waved my thumb out in the air and picked up an airbus to deliver me here. My New York, that was once your New York. One in the same, our paths delivered a common thread. Of much that will be immortalized in my words, on paper, on skin, and now this virtual page, that YOU never experienced! It's not an Underwood, Jack, it's an Apple. Not one you eat but one you create with madly. Maybe its better you never had a bite, its temptation might have taken you sooner than the bottle! Perhaps if you did you would have never left its side. Like I do.
Thank You, Jack. Thank you, Alan, William and Neal. Without your Roads, Your Hippo's and Your Howls, I would not write. Without you Jack, I would have no commas and commas tell a story some grammar teacher would hurl at. Run on this fragment of my imagination baby!

Make a big wish today, buddy. You are in my heart forever.

Always,
Bobby

My Avatar

Nearly every day it happens.

Someone comes up to me; "Are you Syler from HERO'S?" They ask.

NO.

Another one,

"Can I take your picture and tell my best friend in Kansas that I met Zachary Quinto!?!?!?!?"

NO.

"Will you take My Daughter to the prom and pretend you are Syler?"

Definitely not.

Often, I catch people staring at me in a restaurant or something, and then doing a little gossipy thing with their neighbor.

One time on the F train, I mustered up the chuzbah to ask.

These guys could have kicked my ass - really blue collar looking types from Brooklyn.

"Me and My Bud here have a bet going that you are on Hero's? My Wife loves you!"

"What's the bet?" I said

"A Pint" he said

"Do I get in on it?" I responded.

He got all excited. "WAIT TIL I TELL MY WIFE I'M HAVIN A BREW WITH SYLER"

The entire train starred. I was eating the moment up, to be honest.

Then the big one; "Sorry bro, your paying for happy hour tonight! - I'm NOT SYLER!"

"Ahh man" The big guy was so upset. I felt like I took a lolly from a kid.

"See, I told you." The other one chimed in "No way that movie star guy would be riding on the train"

"That not right, Joe" "I once saw Tony Danza on the train" their conversation continued.

Ding. I exited the train.

Last Fall, I was working on a film called "The Other Guys". Mark Wahlberg's assistant, Brian, whom I grew to know pretty well, would beg me everyday. "Can't we just put you in a Star Trek costume and prop you in the middle of Times Square?" Half amused I would laugh. Always ready to make an extra buck that one is. "We could charge everyone $10 to take a picture with you. It'll be great. I'll keep 10% and you can have the rest!"

Funny. I have to admit.

I don't see it. But other's do, so I got to thinking ...

Perhaps, this guy is my Avatar!

Lets look at the similarities;

I am an actor and he is an actor. Check.

We are nearly the same age (he is an aquarius and I am a virgo .. POLAR OPPOSITES, makes sense for an Avatar). Check

We went to complimentary performing arts schools. Check

Hmm.

It would work in a James Cameron movie, for sure. But I still don't see it.

I once even had a dream that he came up to me and said "Daniel? Are you THE DANIEL TUTTLE",

Yes I nodded.

"Everyone keeps telling me we look alike"

"Naa .. how can that be? EVERYONE keeps telling ME we look alike!" I responded.

Then a director yelled "Places - 1st team" and We did some crazy scene in a Matrix like movie.

I am embarrased to say I have never seen Hero's. I hear "Syler" is a "bad" guy. How great would it be to play his twin, the "good" one ! ?

Anyone know any big wig's at NBC ???? : - p

Then there's the whole Star Trek thing.

My Mom was a trekkie and dragged me to every single incarnation of the franchise... and I fell asleep every time. When I went to see the remake, I LOVED it. I thought he did a great job reinventing Spock.

As you have read from my previous post, I now ask "Why?" about everything. "Why?" him, "Why?" the characters he is associated with? Perhaps I am a bit Sci-Fi or Maybe even a little "dark".

Regardless, the answers will present themselves when they are ready to be understood.

Until then, I think he is brilliant and I am very excited for his career. Looking forward to when our paths do cross!

Guess I better go rent Hero's now. 4 seasons is A LOT to catch up on !

What ?

Every Tuesday afternoon I teach a staff development workshop here in Manhattan. In the workshop, I lead the team through activities and lessons that have been created to bring them closer together facilitating open communication to garner responsibility of being a part of a team. A lack of unity creates room for chaos. Chaos manipulated by fear and doubt and myriad of other things. The ultimate goal in a group like this is to eliminate that space of feeling "I can do it alone" "Nobody listens to Me" "What does she know?" Ect and so forth.

A few weeks ago I had such a hard time pulling myself into the class. I didn't feel like I had it in me to inspire 13 people to come together when I myself could not pull myself together. I had been feeling stuck in my life, blocked from hearing and seeing things that give me clues that I am on the right path. Contrary to My ego's lure of having to always be in control I just told them- point blank. "I wasn't feeling "IT". You can imagine the surprise on their faces when their own "Life Coach" came up empty handed! Yet, I have to tell you, they responded with the biggest hearts and together we realized that we were ALL there for each other. Once I let go, all the answers came.

At the conclusion of the class one of the participants (who happens to be incredibly intuitive), pulled me aside to ask if she could help. Naturally, I found myself back in the "I can handle it on my own, I'll be fine" reactive state.

I declined her offer.

She persisted. Thank God.

Here is what she shared with me, that I would like to pass on to you.

When we are feeling stuck, like we aren't going anywhere or getting the results we want, or even simply tapping into a more positive energy, We need to take a minute to step back to ask ourselves "Who is in control?". If your answer is "I am", then you are trying to answer all your own problems/questions yourself. By doing so, you attach your own opinions and limited life experience to the equazion. For sure you don't have the correct answer, because if you did you wouldn't be "stuck". The proactive opportunity is to tune ourself back into the cosmic telephone lines. They are open, but the only way for us to hear them is to pick up the receiver and dial L411, or in this case ... ASK QUESTIONS.

"Why is this happening to me?"

"What can I do to move through this?"

"Where should I change things in my life"

"I can't do it alone, Can you help me?"

"I don't know the answer to this, do you?"

...and so on and so forth.

Walk around all day asking yourself these things then tune in and listen to the messages. They come in some of the most bizarre ways, like through billboards or song lyrics. Sometimes, even a friend. Don't judge where the answer is coming from, just listen.

As you ask questions you open yourself up to the answers. The answers can lead you out of the dark. I have begun to "pick up the receiver" in my life recently and I have already seen a huge shift in my life.

I know you will as well.

Liar, Liar !

I had the oddest dream last night...

In 5th Grade, I moved to a different school.
Public school had gotten pretty stressful for this chunky, rather, girly little boy. My grandmother, a devout Seventh Day Adventist, suggested that the cure for my public-school-misery would be a proper parochial education.
So off I went, as she graciously dug into her pocket to see that my needs were met.
Upon arriving into my new environment, I discovered a few things that made me very, very, scared.
First of all, everyone in my 5th grade class (all 40 or so of them) had gone to school together and/or had known each other nearly their entire lives. If not from school then from the neighboring church only a few hundred feet away.
Everyone knew each other, and every one's parents knew each other.
That left me out in the cold, pretty much. I can't really blame them, I really had nothing to offer. I wasn't cute, rich or have any kickball talent. I did have a gregarious personality underneath it all, but they weren't really ready to get that deep yet. Neither was I.
Within the first month, I began to make up stories as to why I couldn't go to school. I physically made myself sick all the time and it was beginning to become a concern as I would start crying watching the time creep nearer to 8:10am, when the bell was to ring for morning prayer.
All of this concerned my Grandmother. Her plan for my religious education was going awry.
Being one of the Grand Dame's of the church, she marched her hot little self into the principles office on one of my "Sick Days" and expressed her concern.
Much to my chagrin, her words echoed from God's heart. On another one of my made-up misery days off from school, the principle had a "talk" with my entire class.

The next day, I was the most popular kid in class.
Or, so I thought.
The kid who reached his heart and hand out to me immediately was by far the smartest kid in school. He was the funny type too, and kinda krass in that 5th grade-boy way.

I will call him Sam. (not his real name)
Sam and I became quick friends. Something I had not had in a really, really, long time. Sam was the kinda kid that would do anything for you. We even entered the Spelling Bee together, which I won. Everybody was shocked. Especially Sam! None-the-less, he rooted for me in the coming levels.
I was so thankful to have Sam as a friend that I didn't want to loose him. I also didn't want him to know who I really was. I lied to him about everything; What kinda grades I got, How many pets I had, that I LOVED snakes, how wealthy My parents were, My rich Italian heritage and the hot Italian girlfriend I had from My old school, and even ... My birthday. You see, Sam's birthday was actually only 4 days after mine, but I thought he would like me better if I told him that my birthday was the same day. Then we could even celebrate together when the time came!
The following summer, we signed up to go to summer camp together. I hated every second of it. The hoarse that freaked out on me, the boys who farted and thought it was funny, the mean counselors. You name it, I hated it (except the food, of course!)
The last day of camp My parents surprised Sam and I by coming to pick BOTH of us up. I knew things were gonna get sticky when I saw my grandmother with them (Not, the "Grand Damme"). This was the Grandmother whom I had told Sam was Italian and spoke with a very thick accent.
Immediately, as the universe would have it, Sam introduced himself to her and said "I thought you were from Italy".
My Grandmother with her southern accent, laughed it off. I, however, was cringing inside. As we hit the road, all the lies started to come to a head. It was literally, the longest two hour drive in my life. The whole way home Sam kept asking my family about all these things I had lied to him about and each one turned up to be yet again, another disappointment to my friend.
After we dropped Sam off at home, he never spoke to me again.
I tried reaching out to him several times over the course of the rest of that summer but he never returned my calls.
I can't blame him really. Who would want to be friends with a complete illusion? The truth of the matter was, I was so unsatisfied with my life and who I was. I didn't want to be chunky and girlie, but I also didn't want to do anything about it either. So to escape, I would make up my own life, full of fantasy and fun. To me it was all real.
I now see why nobody liked me. I didn't like myself.

Many years later as I grew to love the person I was becoming, Sam started to speak to me again casually. As our days at church school were coming to an end and we were walking down our 8th grade graduation isle to threw our caps high in the sky, Sam had forgiven me. Not with his words, but with his actions. God Bless him.
Fast forward some 20 years later. "Sam" adds me as a "friend" on Facebook. As expected he seems to be doing great. He has a beautiful wife and appears very successful.

In my dream last night, Sam's Mom came to a Kabbalah lecture I was giving. As she signed up, I didn't recognize her face, but noticed her name. I asked her if she was Sam's Mom and if she remembered me. She asked me my name and I told her "I used to be Bobby Tuttle". She looked puzzled. She remembered the name, "What do you mean used to be?" She responded a bit abrasively. Knowing full well her disappointment at seeing me and trying to reconcile the kid I was then with the man in front of her, I explained "My Name is Daniel Now". She smiled with great relief. "I was worried for a minute" she continued "I was about to leave when you said who you used to be" I began to listen carefully "This class would have never worked for me, if it was being taught by Bobby, but now I see you are Daniel now I can tell how much you have changed. It inspires me to think that great things are ahead for us all".

Then I woke up.

10 Things For March ...

It's a new month, and you know what that means. Here are some of the things that are exciting to me and/or inspiring me for this uproarious month of March!!!

10. Color -

Maybe it's the possibility of spring around the corner, or perhaps a shift in my attitude. Regardless, I am very excited about adding color to my life. I treat my life like a fashion designer does when he plans a new collection. Every good collection starts with a color pallet. While it's still too early to nail it down, I am really feeling Green's, Blues and Yellows this spring. I recently bought a Thakoon (amazing newish designer) Gorgeous Green windbreaker. I was

so excited about the color, I didn't pay any attention to the size !!! (Ended up buying too small!!!)

9. Reclaiming what was once lost-

I recently cleaned out my storage unit and found so many amazing goodies. Looking

forward to breathing new life into these finds. One of them is a gorgeous Yellow huge pashmina that one of my dearest friends gave me for Christmas nearly 10 years ago. Also, I found a Marc Jacobs knit rainbow scarf and a Velvet Gucci Blazer!

8. My Play/Screenplay "Bait; or Trapped by the Truth"-

I abandoned it last August, but now I have new ideas for it that excite me. I am looking to write 1 seven minute scene a week. Also, Taking a different approach to my script writing, I want each scene to set itself apart from the greater piece, but somehow all be connected. The piece involves the relativity of a person's "Truth" and the experience of those close to them.

7. Whole Bean Flavored Coffee's from Empire Coffee Co. & Pure Dark Tropical Blend Chocolate!

My Favorites are Coconut and Blueberry Crumb !!! I used to live near this awesome coffee house on 41st St and 9th ave. I was in that hood the other day and picked some up for old times and am so happy I did. I get very excited to get up and brew a pot in the

morning.

Pure Dark is a chocolate place that sells chocolate by the bark, located on Bleeker St,

My Fave selection is called "Tropical" and includes bits of dried mango and papaya.

6. Anna Griffin Stationary-

As I mentioned in my previous "10 Things", I mentioned that I love and appreciate hand written notes so much. I feel like the art of the Hand Written note has been lost and holds so much beauty and care, both in sharing and receiving. Added to my collection; a gorgeous assortment of notes by Anna Griffin. These kick ass pieces are all bright with radiant colour and vivid images.

www.annagriffin.com

5. The Vortex - By Esther and Jerry Hicks

This book (being read on my Kindle) takes on the subject of relationships from the point of view of The Law of Attraction. Only 1/4 into it, I have already started putting these ways of thinking in and am so excited to go deeper.

4.Passover Preparation

Kabbalah gives you a deeper insight into the power of the "holiday" of passover and it's promise to everyone who takes advantage of the awesome energy available to us. One of the perks; in the month leading up, we search our life and it's surrounding for all "Chemetz" or seeds of negativity. In the uproot, we clean our life thorughly and take inventory of all of the shortcomings of our nature that prevent us from growing and going to our next level. It's ultimately all about transformation.

http://www.kabbalah.com/pesach

3. Gaultier for Target !!!! -

My Favorite designer in the WHOLE world; Jean Paul Gaultier, is doing a line for Target!

2. Formspring.me/Eaudedaniel - I love teenagers. I spend a lot of time working with them in both at-risk populations (I teach in a girls halfway house) and in everyday life. One of my former students I keep in touch with introduced me to Formspring.me. The website is simple, it's an anonymous form page in which you can ask the person any question you want. Since I signed up, I have had quite an array of questions asked of me and I gotta tell ya ... it's kind fun!!!

I also love helping people and I would love to use the site as a forum for people to ask me for advice. I do advice well.

www.formspring.me/eaudedaniel

1. Mind Over Matter. - My current passion for Yoga has taught me all about perseverance and determination. I am going through so many crazy things in my life at the moment, I try to channel the energy of Mind Over Matter in everything I do. Not so easy always, but I surprise myself regularly and the key to transformation lies in the effort.

www.kabbalah.com & www.bikramyogamanhattan.com

A little bit of ... Anxiety? Depression? ...

Something started to set in for me.
Not sure what to call it, because it is so out of my element that I am having a hard time identifying its name!
Anxiety? Depression?
Whatever it is, it's been eating me up, and It's created a blockage that I feel might have been worked through today.
This morning, I woke up in a crap mood. I had no desire to do anything but bitch and complain. Thank God I had the foresight to go directly to the Zohar. I did some reflection and study and then I turned to My Kindle, to kill some time as I waited for my next Yoga class to begin.
I've been reading an amazing book called "The Vortex" by Esther and Jerry Hicks about the power of relationships and how you attract (or detract) them and the personal responsability that each of us has in the creating and maintaining them. Today as I pieced through the pages, true to the form of Abraham (the Non-Physical being that channels through Esther), what I attracted were the answers I needed to create a shift in my consciousness.

Here's the deal; I have kept too much inside. In doing so, I have not been showing up honestly and truthfully. If that is how I am showing up, then that's how those around me are showing up.
Simply stated, right? In essence.

Recently, I have felt a bit like a tiger in a cage. Needing to jump out and roam the great jungle alone in search of something.
That statement alone can throw someone you love into a frenzy. It implies that you are about to make some brash decision that will leave them and everything else in the dust. I am hyper aware of the "Delivery" in my communication. Sometimes it stings, and I don't mean it to. Therefore, I keep it in, until the pressure cooker explodes.
And sometimes, it doesn't.
When it doesn't, it opens the door for understanding and compassion.
That's what happened to me today.
As I communicated honestly my fears and anxieties with my loved one, my loved one responded with compassion and love.
As I went about the rest of my day, more answers came.
I have this special "Place" I love to go to when I want to be alone. It's called The HousingWorks (housingworks.org) Book Shop and cafe. It has such a beautiful energy and it reminds me of the library of a townhouse. I sat down and I began to write and open my heart to my guides. They directed me to my favorite author; Paulo Coelho.
His books were aligned right behind me and "just for kicks" I opened up my two favorites selections at random. These were the messages;

1) Brida - "I need to take risks. I need to feel the fear of failing"


2) The Alchemist (My favorite book ever) - "You must understand that love never keeps a man from his personal legend. If he abandons that pursuit it's because it wasn't true love...the love that speaks the language of the world."


These messages speak volumes to me and I will remind myself of them daily through any challenge that I am faced with.

I share them with you, in hopes that they will help you too.