Liar, Liar !

I had the oddest dream last night...

In 5th Grade, I moved to a different school.
Public school had gotten pretty stressful for this chunky, rather, girly little boy. My grandmother, a devout Seventh Day Adventist, suggested that the cure for my public-school-misery would be a proper parochial education.
So off I went, as she graciously dug into her pocket to see that my needs were met.
Upon arriving into my new environment, I discovered a few things that made me very, very, scared.
First of all, everyone in my 5th grade class (all 40 or so of them) had gone to school together and/or had known each other nearly their entire lives. If not from school then from the neighboring church only a few hundred feet away.
Everyone knew each other, and every one's parents knew each other.
That left me out in the cold, pretty much. I can't really blame them, I really had nothing to offer. I wasn't cute, rich or have any kickball talent. I did have a gregarious personality underneath it all, but they weren't really ready to get that deep yet. Neither was I.
Within the first month, I began to make up stories as to why I couldn't go to school. I physically made myself sick all the time and it was beginning to become a concern as I would start crying watching the time creep nearer to 8:10am, when the bell was to ring for morning prayer.
All of this concerned my Grandmother. Her plan for my religious education was going awry.
Being one of the Grand Dame's of the church, she marched her hot little self into the principles office on one of my "Sick Days" and expressed her concern.
Much to my chagrin, her words echoed from God's heart. On another one of my made-up misery days off from school, the principle had a "talk" with my entire class.

The next day, I was the most popular kid in class.
Or, so I thought.
The kid who reached his heart and hand out to me immediately was by far the smartest kid in school. He was the funny type too, and kinda krass in that 5th grade-boy way.

I will call him Sam. (not his real name)
Sam and I became quick friends. Something I had not had in a really, really, long time. Sam was the kinda kid that would do anything for you. We even entered the Spelling Bee together, which I won. Everybody was shocked. Especially Sam! None-the-less, he rooted for me in the coming levels.
I was so thankful to have Sam as a friend that I didn't want to loose him. I also didn't want him to know who I really was. I lied to him about everything; What kinda grades I got, How many pets I had, that I LOVED snakes, how wealthy My parents were, My rich Italian heritage and the hot Italian girlfriend I had from My old school, and even ... My birthday. You see, Sam's birthday was actually only 4 days after mine, but I thought he would like me better if I told him that my birthday was the same day. Then we could even celebrate together when the time came!
The following summer, we signed up to go to summer camp together. I hated every second of it. The hoarse that freaked out on me, the boys who farted and thought it was funny, the mean counselors. You name it, I hated it (except the food, of course!)
The last day of camp My parents surprised Sam and I by coming to pick BOTH of us up. I knew things were gonna get sticky when I saw my grandmother with them (Not, the "Grand Damme"). This was the Grandmother whom I had told Sam was Italian and spoke with a very thick accent.
Immediately, as the universe would have it, Sam introduced himself to her and said "I thought you were from Italy".
My Grandmother with her southern accent, laughed it off. I, however, was cringing inside. As we hit the road, all the lies started to come to a head. It was literally, the longest two hour drive in my life. The whole way home Sam kept asking my family about all these things I had lied to him about and each one turned up to be yet again, another disappointment to my friend.
After we dropped Sam off at home, he never spoke to me again.
I tried reaching out to him several times over the course of the rest of that summer but he never returned my calls.
I can't blame him really. Who would want to be friends with a complete illusion? The truth of the matter was, I was so unsatisfied with my life and who I was. I didn't want to be chunky and girlie, but I also didn't want to do anything about it either. So to escape, I would make up my own life, full of fantasy and fun. To me it was all real.
I now see why nobody liked me. I didn't like myself.

Many years later as I grew to love the person I was becoming, Sam started to speak to me again casually. As our days at church school were coming to an end and we were walking down our 8th grade graduation isle to threw our caps high in the sky, Sam had forgiven me. Not with his words, but with his actions. God Bless him.
Fast forward some 20 years later. "Sam" adds me as a "friend" on Facebook. As expected he seems to be doing great. He has a beautiful wife and appears very successful.

In my dream last night, Sam's Mom came to a Kabbalah lecture I was giving. As she signed up, I didn't recognize her face, but noticed her name. I asked her if she was Sam's Mom and if she remembered me. She asked me my name and I told her "I used to be Bobby Tuttle". She looked puzzled. She remembered the name, "What do you mean used to be?" She responded a bit abrasively. Knowing full well her disappointment at seeing me and trying to reconcile the kid I was then with the man in front of her, I explained "My Name is Daniel Now". She smiled with great relief. "I was worried for a minute" she continued "I was about to leave when you said who you used to be" I began to listen carefully "This class would have never worked for me, if it was being taught by Bobby, but now I see you are Daniel now I can tell how much you have changed. It inspires me to think that great things are ahead for us all".

Then I woke up.