Sunday, September 26, 2010
Time Travel 101
About 10 or so years ago on a visit home, I came across an old picture of myself. In the picture, I am about 5 or 6 years old. I remember the night it was taken very well. My family and I had gone to an amusement park for New Years. I was freezing cold and my grandmother had promised me that when we got home, she would make me chili. In the photograph I had fallen asleep waiting for my chili to cool off. Mema, my grandmother, made the best chili in the world during the winter time, and because our winters were always very mild in Florida, I rarely had the opportunity to have that chili. I was so happy in that moment.
When I reflect on my childhood, I am blessed to recognize that there was no abuse, neglect or lack of any sort. But I did have my own personal challenges, certainly not out of the norm for a kid growing up in the material eighties. I played with He-Man (Wanted to be him actually), I also played with Strawberry Shortcake (that never went over so well with the other boys) and I always wanted to be famous. Not really sure why. I certainly didn't know why then. In fact, I was quite shy growing up and would hide behind my mom in social gatherings or run off with my aunt (she was like a sister to me, and was also very shy) when strangers came over to visit. I was the kid in school that was totally content with himself, I never had many friends because I felt like they would always disappoint me by not appreciating me for who I was. The minute they questioned why I didn't like football and would rather play house, they were out of the game. I didn't like to be questioned. The problem was, they would turn on me and go tell the other kids that I was "weird" because I wanted to play house with strawberry shortcake! Then of course, the other kids would then side with the "normal" guy and I was back at square one. Friends were way too much work for me and as an only child, I had plenty of experience making happiness dependant on no one but myself.
As I turned 8 or 9, just a few years after the photograph mentioned above, I started to get hefty, and as a boy begins to mature into being a fat teenager, life starts to look... not so much like a star, and more like a road mechanic. To escape the depressing reality I was living, I turned to my dreams and my fantasies. In those fantasies, I looked muscular and sexy like He-Man. I was a star like Madonna and I sang and danced like Fred Astaire in Easter Parade. Something about my dreams was so real to me. I always felt so certain in these visions that I began to live my life impatiently waiting for them to manifest. In that impatience, I felt little remorse for myself or others who got on my nerves. I just knew my glory days would come and getting through the present moments painful truth was made so much easier by looking ahead.
Everything happens for a reason. I am thankful that I had the coping skills to be so resilient as a kid.
When I found the photograph, I brought it back to NYC and placed it in a beautiful silver frame. I began to just stare at the image lovingly and fondly. Then I started talking to it. I looked at that little boy in that photograph and I promised him that no matter what lies ahead in his following few years, his life will be so blessed with incredible people and an incredible career. I assured him that he would not be overweight his whole life, that one day all that playing house would come in handy and that there are millions of other boys and girls like him. I encouraged him to get out of his shell and not be such a pushover too. I gave him the advice I wish someone else would have given me... or maybe someone had.
This afternoon, my partner and I stumbled across the film adaptation of the book "The Time Travelers Wife" in our HBO on demand cue. Ted had read the book many years ago and always counted it as one of his favorites. I never got around to reading it, and when the movie came out we never saw it because it got such horrible reviews. Most likely it was plagued with that ole "it will never live up to the book" adage. It was a blessing I never read the book, because the movie touched me in incredible ways. It got me thinking... or dreaming... or fantasizing...
When I was a kid I used to have imaginary friends. What kids doesn't, right? Mine were so real to me. I used to talk to them, save them a place at the dinner table. I would even bring them blankets to my tree house when it got cold outside. After watching The Time Travelers Wife today, I began to think; What if my imaginary friends were not imaginary at all, but future versions of myself going back to inspire a younger "me" to live and dream in the impossible, forever. To never give up.
Impossible? Maybe ... maybe not. We will learn in the coming years that this reality that we are experiencing is not all "there". We will learn that time, space, and motion are all figments of our imagination and in the endless quantum world we actually can time travel. Not in the physical limited idea we have of it, but through consciousness. By going back in time perhaps we can correct our present and prepare for our future. Imagine if you knew that forgiving that one person who you hold such a grudge against from your childhood could impact your life now in quantum ways.. Imagine Forgiving yourself for not meeting such high demands you placed on yourself.
How differently would you live your life now?
Imagine that a future version of you is trying to tell you that everything is going to be more than fine. That the challenge that you are dealing with now will make you a successful and/or inspiring person of the future. What if your challenge that you are facing now is merely a means to tell a great story to a child one day that will save his life? How differently would you deal with the present.
Are you listening to that future version of you?
Monday, August 30, 2010
I've Failed (At Failing)
This morning, as I woke to a rather over cast day in (Hurricane Season) sunny Florida, I arose with with gratitude in my heart for the gifts and blessings that are granted to me every day. I said a little mantra of thanks to the universe, and went on my way..
"Most of us have a cellular phone that helps us communicate with the rest of the world. Only a few know how it works. Never the less we treat it as a magical piece of glass and plastic and with a few touches we can transfer our voice and image to the other side of the world.
Even if we don’t know how it works, we use this device on a daily basis; keep it safe, charged and protected from damaging elements so we can use it again and again.
There are some devices and tools that the Torah (a cosmic blue print - not just a book of stories) recommends us to use. We may not know how they work or what the benefits for our soul are but we should use them the same way we use our cellular phones"
I must point out, I am of the most avid appreciator of my devices! I use my brand new iPhone 4 as if it were an extension of my hand. I rely on this phone as my means to a whole other dimension, which I can not see, taste, touch, smell or hear, but rely on to keep me connected.
This message in the above passage hit me like a ton of bricks. A simple shift in my consciousness allowed me to open my eyes a little further, and see these tools that are around me that I let just sit there. As you read the rest of the Daily Zohar (A tool within itself), day in and day out, you get very clear indications of many of the tools available to us daily. Right here, Right now.
As I began to think about this, I looked outside this huge window I have, upon my view of the majestic Atlantic Ocean, and remembered a "tool" I rarely use. It's called a Mikveh.
A Mikveh is a spiritual bath. With a few simple meditations, you completely (without touching anything) immerse yourself in a large body of water continuously, multiple times, to metaphysically cleanse and remove negativity. We all began our ascent into this world very much the same way, immersed in water and every time we do a Mikveh we get the chance to purify and start over again and with each dunk into the water, we dig a bit further and deeper to cleanse ourself.
Off into the ocean I went.
As I approached her, she seemed even more and more fierce than she looked from my hotel window. Her waves strong and powerful, Her undercurrents like a good mother, pulling me in further, deeper and deeper. I began to meditate, with each emmersion I started to feel the weight of the world lifted off my shoulders. At one point the meditation became so intense, I had to take a moment to capture my thoughts and emotions. My head came up out of the water, and SMACK a huge wave hit me in the face, reminding me to go further and deeper.
After a good ten minutes, I collected myself and began to head back to shore. As I walked back to my hotel room, I remembered that at no point is it ever too late to start over.
The only way we truly fail, is by not getting up and trying again.
Friday, June 25, 2010
Stepping Aside to Start A New / The Space In Between
Excellent line of questioning. However, I do have an answer. And clearly so does the universe ...
In the past, I have always felt like I had to be in the middle of something to get the full experience of it. For example, this week I had a huge project come to fruition. It was a cabaret show we created called "Not While I'm Around". This project has been huge for me, both personally and professionally. For the show, my friend and co-creator Tommy Foster and I decided to share the story of our friendship over the course of the last 15 years. A huge piece of that story is how our paths went separate ways. At eighteen, Musical Theater meant the world to us. The dream of singing and performing in a Broadway show marked the pinnacle of importance in our lives and we were destined on making that dream a reality.
We just went about it completely different.
I moved to New York thinking that within a short matter of time, that dream would be actualized. "Reality" set in for me and my life became about surviving, not thriving. All of that said, I would not take to the stage (to sing in a musical) for fifteen years.
Tommy's life took a different route. He went onto higher education in some of the best musical theater schools in the country. He developed an instrument that far surpasses the words I could use to describe it to you (click here to listen to his cover of P!ink's SOBER). It is obvious that the effort he has put into developing his talent has paid off handsomely.
Our show went well. It was a huge epic moment for me, because of the significance it had in the big picture of my life. We were only scheduled to have one performance, but as the universe would have it, we are not quite done telling this story. Actually, the universe is not done with us sharing this story, so I am happy to report that it will have legs and move onto bigger things.
I was unusually calm before our show Wednesday night. Unusually. Perhaps it's because I knew it was the beginning of a new chapter. I had the same experience on Friday night after the director of the movie yelled "THAT'S A WRAP" for the last time as we completed principle photography and would not be seeing the same faces in that capacity again. Usually these moments are very intense for me. I get sad to see everyone go their separate ways. I was incredibly happy Friday night. For everyone and everything that they will go on to to. Myself included.
I feel so safe here. I feel like all my needs are met, like I don't have the pressure of the chaos of the outside world, Yet, not so safe that I am comfortable to just "Let" something fall into my lap. It's now time to get busy, to create and to share endlessly. I was reminded tonight that to the degree your desire is to share something, is the degree that you will find the space to fulfill that desire. I WANNA SHARE IT BAD!!!!
For the first time in my life, I feel like I have arrived here incompletely complete.
Thursday, May 13, 2010
10 Things For Gemini !
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Not While I'm Around
Saturday, April 24, 2010
"The Business"
There is an old term they use around my spiritual center for telling you (or better yet, telling you by NOT telling you) where and how you need to grow to become a better version of you.
Saturday, April 17, 2010
Old Sparks, New Flames
Friday, April 9, 2010
An Inspiring Woman
11 Things For April (Yes, I had to add an extra!!!)
7) King Edward VIII
Sunday, April 4, 2010
Remembering Mema and the Promise Of Miracles
Thursday, April 1, 2010
Picking Daisies
Meet Daisy.
Daisy is a flower for sure. A rare and special one at that.
She came into my class during the second semester of the program and for pretty much the duration of the entire course she either slept or didn't take her nose out of the journal in front of her.
She appeared to be severely depressed and did not respond to anything. Not any of the facilitators in the room, nor the peer educators could crack her exterior.
We finished the YES program in June, and as with most students, I thought I would never see her again.
Wrong.
Fast forward-
In the fall of this past year I was asked to teach at a public high school on Manhattans Lower East Side.
The home room teacher, Ms. Susan Klein, had offered an overwhelming amount of support and excitement for our program. "This is just what our students need" She proclaimed daily.
In lesson 1, called "Finding ourselves on the Map of Life"; we ask our students to image their life like a Map.
You need to know where you are (your staring point) to know where you want to go. (your destination).
At the the conclusion of the class, a familiar face approached me
Of course I remembered her, except the Daisy I knew before would have never been so forthcoming. There was definately something different about her, a sparkle in her eye I had not yet met.
"I decided to go back to school and get my dipoloma" "I will need it to get into "Juilliard" She continued.
"Juilliard?" I replied with a tinge of Judgment.
"Yes" she responded "I want to go there so that I can become a concert pianist one day"
My jaw dropped. I was now very curious.
"What kind of music do you like to play?"
"Rachmannanov and Debussey, are my favorites. Although they are very hard."
"I can imagine" I sympathized.
"Maybe that's why I like them; because they are hard" she offered as her insight to a good challenge.
Was I really hearing this? I was baffled that I had spent nearly the last 9 months with a student in my class and I knew NOTHING about her.
All of this caught the eye of Daisy's facilitator and my dear friend, Karen Bishko.
See, Karen too is a musician. A singer song-writer from London living here in New York working diligently to get her original musical on it's feet. Karen's interest was as piqued as mine. She approaced Ms. Klein for more clarification. Susan confirmed everything Daisy had told us.
On the final day of the class, Karen asked Ms. Klein if there was anywhere in the building that Daisy could take take her to play the piano.
What Karen saw/heard left her speechless. Literally. She called me immediately after class in hysterics. She could not speak from the emotion pouring from her heart. Daisy's talent was easily prodigal.
"I want to help Daisy in any way I can" she told me
"What if I get some people together to pay for her lessons at Juilliard!"
I argued that while I thought that was a nice jesture, there are an abundance of other students just like Daisy that need help too. I struggle with the fairness equation in her gesture.
She was relentless (as usual) and managed to find the funding neccesary, as well as the teacher at Juilliard perfectly fit for Daisy's skill set.
And the ball was rolling ...
Daisy began working with Teddy (the piano teacher) immediately. They continue to work weekly to meet Daisy's dream of going to Juilliard for college
As the universe would have it, Karen was reaquainted with a neighbor friend, Victoria, on a holiday back to London. After communicating Daisy's story, Victoria shared that she is a documentary filmmaker and that she would like us to consider letting her meet Daisy and see if she might be interested in doing a documentary on the process.
After careful evaluation with Daisy, Her Family, and other professionals, we believe that the opportunity to share Daisy's story with the world can help bring awareness to a cause so desperately needed.
Our youth are in danger. We must take the time to hear their needs.
Thank you for listening and I will keep you posted as things progress.